I first should introduce my merry band of travelling partners to all who do not know us:
Kim - she is very funny and recently able to drink as much red wine as Jen and I (like the Olympics it takes a lot of practice - good job Kim 👏🏼). Kim will correct our pronunciation of the various little towns we drive through - I just mumble the names. She's a rockstar. She is also the keeper of our money, virtue and integrity- her hands are full. But seriously on a side note - if you're going to roll any of us she's your girl. She is usually packing a fair bit of cash.
Brian - (aka the Third Vagina from the famous 3V's) He is our communications guy that usually communicates in giggles and eye rolls. He likes his martinis dirty and is also enjoying a semi-low carb lifestyle. He likes piña coladas and getting drunk in the rain.....shit. He is my brother from another mother...and also another father.
Darren - oh Darren. How do you describe Darren? He is the grumpiest, cheapest little fucker you'll ever meet. But he is also one of the nicest people I've ever met. He started out yesterday by telling all of us on the radio that, "This is my favourite time of the year. Roads trip with my best friends." Now, slow down buddy - let's take this one day at a time. 💜
Jen - she has the best hair you will ever see. I know that doesn't seem like it warrants acknowledgement but when you stand by her in photos ALL THE TIME you will understand my frustration. She laughs at all my jokes and usually (honestly) finishes my sentences. Kim says about Jen and I - 2 heads, one brain. I think she means 2 heads, one Brian but she doesn't always pronounce everything correctly....
Ryan - God bless you. He is so patient (not really), understanding (ummm.....) and loving. He has his new car and he is like a kid at Christmas- I'm not sure he knows I'm in the car. He delegated me 2 jobs - play good road trip songs (yesterday we listened to Glory Days by Bruce Springsteen 12 times - not sure what is up with my IPod- but the 12th time I insisted we listen to it for hidden messages- I think Jesus might have been trying to tell us something) and 2nd job - pull the e-brake when we park. I think he likes to give me some responsibility.
Me: Skinny, witty, sassy, smart, ummm, I think that's it. Oh and not demanding or annoying. That's it. Oh, and responsible.
So left Not That Great Falls in the pouring rain. Pouring. Rain. Jen wasn't sure if she could do the drive. Seriously, I bought you Mala beads for this shit. And no drinks this morning. No. Drinks. What. The. Fuck.
Did a tour through Custer's Last Stand. Depressing, and still raining. So more depressing. Lots of white people died, few Indians, but...spoiler alert - it still didn't turn out well for them.
Saw a sign that said - Road Construction Ahead. No big deal, summer, there is always road construction. But this....this was road rehabilitation. Maybe road creation. Attached is a video of Ryan 4x4-ing with his new car. Attached NOT a video of him swearing inside the car. You're welcome.
https://youtu.be/5KQ4NM-mrWs (video provided by Brian Walisser of Oras Communications)
I know now we can do a road trip to Ram Falls in the car.
So then on ....still in the rain. Almost snow. Zero degrees. But we stopped for a beer at a sketchy bat with probably the scariest human being I've ever laid eyes on. Ever. And the bar advertised Topless Tuesday - good news - its Friday. I made Brian take a picture of the zombie, I mean, waitress but it isn't a very good picture but he refused to take another one. After he took the picture she turned and looked into his soul and he was afraid.
Arrived at the house after 580 miles and 12 hours, a 7 mile 4x4 trip, a visit with a soulless zombie, $800 in booze and food for 2 days, 60,000 gallons of rain and no speeding tickets! Great day!
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