Loaded up and headed south. Ryan is driving so much better he hardly ever scares us. Now Darian overreacts to everything which scares us even more.
Stopped at Sterling for an hour and ended up staying for 3. The most people we have seen at a castle on our entire visit and we were a little bitter about it. There were people walking around in period costumes. Pretty cool but again - too many people.
Then off to the Wallace Monument. We had to check it his sword. 1.63 metres long -impressive. I have difficulty chopping onions with a 4 inch butcher knife let alone killing countless Englishmen with a 5 1/2 foot sword. We got there at 4:20 and they close at 5:00, so not looking good. The monument is on top of a large hill which we have to scale to get to the monument and then climb the 246 steps to the top. Darian said we could run up the hill. Run up the hill. Run. Hill. Me. Fat. No run. Fortunately there was the last bus to the top (thank you lord Jesus for recognizing my short, fat, non-running body) So made it to the monument but there is still the pesky problem of the 246 steps to the top. In now only 20 minutes. This is not just 246 normal steps, this is 246 stone steps in a circular tower. With a width of about 2 feet’s and people coming down those steps. Not friendly people. Guess what?! I made it!! I cursed the large chicken pot pie I had for lunch (I think I need to go through rehab to break my pastry addiction), I cursed the 2 beer I had at lunch, the coat I was wearing (sweat pouring down my back - I know, I am incredibly sexy), I cursed my lifelong commitment to not exercise, I cursed the Dutch people we kept meeting on the stairs. I cursed the English (they are the reason Wallace had to attack and therefore this God-awful tower was constructed), I cursed Ryan for not offering to piggyback me up, I cursed the 2 beer and beef pot pie I was going to enjoy when I made it back down (let’s be honest, this was not going to be the pivotal moment in my life when I change 47 years of bad behaviour!) and then.......I turned my final step....and I MADE IT!! It was glorious! Euphoric! Elated! And then horrified - my legs were shaking so bad and I realized I need to go back down two hundred and fucking forty fucking six steps!
Then to the Kelpies. Jord I kept all legs hidden. The Kelpies can definitely take a Kracken. I’m not sure if I have shared my Kracken story. One night, after an awesome Golden party (I know, shocker) Jord was giving everyone names (there is far more to the story but in an effort to protect the innocent I cannot share all details) - anyway, I was christened “The Kracken” and as everyone knows, Krackens have 8 legs (duh?!) but I was in an unfortunate accident and only have 7 legs - I am a Septapus Kracken. Jord vows to get me 3 more legs so my dreams can be realized and I can be a Decapus Kracken. Because Decapus sounds much more frightening than Septapus. Anyway, back to my Kelpie story - these are 30 metre high, horse head sculptures. They were huge.
Then to Edinburgh. Dekker is the DJ/navigator and he did amazing. We all agreed that he was the best person to direct Ryan through the maze of traffic circles and twisting roads to get us to our flat in central Edinburgh. We made it, changed and then headed out for supper and back for more poker games (Darian has finally mastered Wriffle!). A few more drinks (Ryan went to bed) and then we decided it would be a great idea to go the the Greyfriars Kirkyard (cemetery). Greyfriars was established in 1561 and it is rumoured that there are 500,000 bodies buried in there. When there are heavy rain bones have been exposed. It is said to be the most haunted graveyard in the word with an actively violent poltergeist. So off we go, adventuring to the most haunted cemetery in the world, who wouldn’t? We spent about an hour these and it truly was an experience. Very dark and depressing. We all experienced pounding, pebbles tossed towards us and best of all, a hedgehog. Not a ghost hedgehog- a real one! Mike tripped over it and it rolled itself into a ball. Little cutey. While everyone was admiring and taking photos of the hedgehog I was dutifully on ghost watch. The hedgehog could have been a diversion.... I am also very excited that I get to use this emoji: 🦔!
We knew we had to be out by the witching hour, 3:00 am, because the cemetery couldn’t get much scarier but we were taking no chances. Made it back to the house by 3:00 and all accounted for so it was a success.
No comments:
Post a Comment