April 12

Sitting in the airport in Calgary and I had an epiphany - I hate flying. It’s like when I’m going up a chair lift to go skiing - I always remember at that point that I hate skiing. We went through security (we passed!) and a pilot butted in line ahead of us filled with self-importance and arrogance that only a pilot or a bouncer at the Rose and Crown in Banff possess. He was very indigent that he had to:

• Go through security and have his bags checked -again!
• He bags were split up to go through the X-ray machine
• The security lady would not take his information until she finished with us
• When he was through he had to talk to the manager about the way he was treated 

The manager never looked up from her phone while she consoled him with a sincere, “that’s unfortunate”. I wanted to high five her. I would have suggested to him that he should just relax and treat people with a little more respect. Naw, just kidding, I would have called him a pretentious dick but I was afraid he was our pilot and I know pilots possess the power to deny me my ride. I’m not sure if I can Uber a flight. Jen has a sad tale about being denied a flight home from Vegas. Vegas loved her so much that it wanted to keep her as one of their own. 

We have not boarded yet and all I am doing is scanning the waiting area for kids. So far so good. But I think I may be bringing the problem child on the plane. Darian. She is ridiculous about flying. I told her that her life was in far more danger driving with Ryan to the airport that the actual flight. I have medicated her with a Caesar and 2 beer. I am prepared to put her in a half Nelson to calm her. I had booked her and Mike away from us so I could hear her hysteria but KLM kindly rearranged us (those fuckers) so now I can’t complain to anyone about the crazy woman back in row 16. 

Okay, I don’t understand time changes so I will be blogging at various times.