April 27

Happy Birthday Darian. I cannot believe you are already 26. Man, you think the early toddler years fly by wait until they hit their 20’s! The worst part is you can’t spank them and send them to their room. 

So our last full day in Aberdeen we enjoyed the city. Some shopping, great food and exploring.  Nice way to wrap up the holiday. We pulled an all-nighter so we can, hopefully avoid as much jet lag as possible (well Ryan and I did sneak in 2 hours sleep. It was the best 2 hours imaginable and the worst 2 hours imaginable. We had to leave the house at 3:30 a.m. as our flight left at 6:00 a.m. and we still had to return the Skoda, but good news - NO DENTS! But while we were racing through the streets of Aberdeen in the middle of the night we did see the tell-tail flash of photo radar so I think Scotland is sending me a parting gift - like when you win an Academy Award and you get the gift bag full of Gucci, Prada and Michael Kors goodies, I get a speedy ticket and exchange rate surprises on my Visa. I told Ryan, “that was one more pair of fucking shoes I could have bought!”

Leaving is bittersweet- leaving unbelievable old friends that welcomed us back with open arms, tears for dad and lots of laughs about mom and dad and our time spent living in Scotland. Leaving Dekker on the next part of his own adventure but knowing that him and Megan are traveling together for a little while (and hoping, a little, that he may come home earlier). I relived 1,000 memories and made a 1,000 new ones. Very excited to share a bit of my childhood with my kids and blessed to make new ones with them. Everyone proved to be excellent traveling buddies and we laughed until we cried countless times in the last 2 weeks. We should be getting pretty good at traveling together, at last count we visited:

• 48 pubs across Scotland (we recounted 8 times and finally agreed on 48 but could have been as high as 50)
• 9 castles
• 6 cemeteries 
• 1 cathedral 
• 36 pee stops for Ryan while we were touring/shopping

 It excited to get home and see my dogs, my mom, my Jen and get the trailer ready for camping! Woohoo!!!

Thanks for sharing our trip!!

April 25 and 26

April 25 - Had a bit of a late night on the 24th and then an early (ish) morning so no time to blog. These kids are incredibly hard to keep up to! Dekker, Megan, Mike, Darian, Ryan and I went out for drinks after our Thai/Indian feeding frenzy to a nearby pub at 11:00 at night - and Darian and I  discovered gin. I’ve always hated gin, for the same reason I hated Buckley’s cough syrup - it tastes like you’re licking a tree. But this tree had Prosecco and some other magical ingredients that made it magically delicious. Anyone, one of those and me and the old guy left to home and the kids stayed out to drink. I made them pinkie swear that there would be no midnight graveyard trips without me.

Up on the morning of the 25th, breakfast and off to Edinburgh Castle. Megan had never been either so it was a new experience for all of us. Now I hate to sound like a pretentious asshole but we are at the point that we might be tapped out on castles. It’s not the castles, it’s the tourists. Seriously, I’m going to stab someone in the eye! I know it sounds terrible, but, fucking Asians! Fuckng Asians! Argh! They hork lugies (I’m sorry it is disgusting but 10x’s worse to see!) and spit everywhere. They do not move when you say, “excuse me” and try to get by but no one moves! I was going postal. I did use my advantageous size and incredibly pointy elbows to maneuver my way through the 4’8” mob. I also used my vast vocabulary to express my displeasure. I don’t think there was a single person that was not pissed about this group of tourists. Anyway, good-bye Edinburgh Castle, hello Royal Mile. 

Knocked 4 more pubs off our list (as well as a couple more). Bannerman’s was one of the most questionable pubs I’ve ever been in - it looks like it was invaded by Vikings 1,000 years ago and the never left - just started listening to Death Metal. Needless to say we did not stay for a drink because it would have been followed by a mandatory tetanus shot. Then to the Voodoo lounge which was very nice (we convinced the boys it was a lesbian bar because there was only ladies in there), we tried to get into the Royal Cafe but it was packed and we could not wedge ourselves in there. Then to the Abbotsford and I would like to describe it but I cannot remember it. There was at least one pub in between each of the Bucket List pubs. 

Thai/Indian left overs for supper and the kids played cards (yet again Ryan and I admitted defeat and went to bed).

April 26 - leaving Edinburgh. And Dekker and Megan. 😞 I’m very happy that Megs is here with Dekker (they are headed to England to explore) so parting wasn’t quite so sad. Ryan, Mike, Darian and I headed north. Had a delicious breakfast of chips, chocolate bars, gummy bears and beer and enjoyed the drive. Stopped at Stonehaven for lunch at the Tolbooth (it was closed when we in Stoney earlier). Got to our cottage in Aberdeen and I’m not going to explain it until tomorrow’s post but you have to see it to believe it! 

Some touring through Aberdeen. Visited our first cathedral, and in my opinion, the best - St. Machars Cathedral. It was built in 1191 and is breathtaking. Legend has it William Wallace’s left arm was sent here after his execution. A very different city than Edinburgh but still beautiful. Much less walking and NO HILLS!! 

April 24

I need to address 2 glaringly obvious differences between Scotland and Canada:

1. There are no obese people in this country. I’ve seen 2 overweight people- and I did not hear them speak so I cannot confirm their nationality (so I’m assuming they’re English or Polish. Also, side, side note - I’m amazed at the number of Polish people in Scotland!). Anyway, back to my “No Back Fat in Scotland” observation. The average weight here is probably 150lbs for these women! Apparently they have not discovered deliciousness of pastry pies or the availability of pubs every 40 feet. And no gyms (I know, I too am unfamiliar with the word - I hear it’s a place people go to “work-out”. Not sure what that means either). I want to know the secret, I won’t tell anyone. If I come back to Canada skinny you will know they shared it with me. 
2. Dogs. Callie Beamish you have to marry a Scot, I think they love dogs more than you! Everyone has one and most of them aren’t on leashes. Nope walking down the streets of Edinburgh with their dog trotting merrily alongside them. Stopping and sitting at the intersections waiting for the light to change. Going into pubs and laying on the floor while their owner enjoys a pint. Now, if anyone has met Turk he usually greets you by shoving his tongue down your throat and then licking your ears. I’ve raised a 8 pound Harvey Weinstein! 😯 Turk is awful. I kept thinking that he would grow out of it but recently I had an epiphany- THIS IS MY DOG. And Riggs, he is beautiful, I’ve been lulled into a false sense of confidence in Riggs because he is a kind, gentle soul who would take a treat from a child with the same placidity as a Buddhist monk but put a leash on him and suddenly he is Connor Mcgreggor and wants to fight everyone. My dogs would go into a pub and it would be chaos - Turk would jump all over everyone making out, begging for food, barking wildly while Riggs would pee on everything and catch a whiff of a mouse and tear up floorboards to catch it. What have I done with my life?! I’m attaching a photo in this blog to remind myself they’re cute (and I miss them like crazy!) 

Anyway, recap of our day - late morning.....again. Every night we go to bed at 2:00 am and agree we’re going to have an early morning and 10:30 am rolls around and everyone is groggily climbing out of bed - not sure what we’re doing wrong 🤔. Darian and I went shopping. Great, great shopping. They have the cutest pants here. I’m also attaching a photo because that’s as close as I’m going to get to owning any because EVERYONE HERE IS SO FUCKING SKINNY I CANNOT FIND A PAIR TO FIT ME!! Bell bottom jeans are coming back into style - my Lord God how I’ve waited patiently for bell bottom and shoulder pads to come back and it’s looking like 2018 maybe my year! I did buy shoes (you can buy shoes for fat people) and a belt (as a side note - my favourite son-in-law Michael has been letting me borrow his belt. God love him he is very patient with my wardrobe issues). Also, you may notice in pictures I’m always wearing a scarf. This is a fashionable way to hide both my second and third chins I have developed in Scotland. Necessity is the mother of invention. (Jen is said “invention” not “intervention”). I also bought bib-overalls!! I have been on a cross Canada and Western USA quest to find blue jean overalls and finally I have got them. I love them and I also look like a tank in them - oh the irony. 

While we were shopping the boys went to Surgeon Hall. This is a three story museum that houses every organ with every type of disease - broken bones, kidney stones, black lung, the list was long and horrific. I am adding another sentence to Things I Never Want To Hear Ryan Say: “oh my God, I’ve never seen so many penis’s”. This is the only time that sentence can be used where it is acceptable. 

We went to meet up with the boys (after we took a cab back to the house to drop off our shopping!) and also decided we would cross another of our Top 10 Pubs off our list - The Devils Advocate. But first we climbed 1,000 fucking stairs to get to The Royal Mile (the street where we thought we were meeting the boys) and when we reached the top Darian checked her messages and said, “um, mom I have some bad news” yep, turn around and all the way down the stairs to the pub.......and then back up the stairs to the tour we were going on!! We did Mary King’s Close Tour. It’s in underground tour of old Edinburgh. It was very interesting but our guide was the one that made the tour - it was his 12th of the day and he had lost all interest. He had very dry humor and we loved it. Cracked us up. 

Then more walking (14.3 kms, 22,147 steps and 33 floors climbed) such a beautiful city. We are really enjoying it. We came home and ordered Thai and Indian food! Lots of it. Darling Meagan joined us from her trip in Ireland and were excited to see a new face!! 

April 23

Ryan found a huge spider in the sink this morning, which is unfortunate because it is a nice flat but now we’ll have to burn it down. I’m pretty sure my insurance covers that. 

Today we decided would be a, “get your bearings day” so we decided that we would start at the cemetery......so......we were not at the Greyfriars cemetery last night......I personally believe that Google Maps saved our lives. Thank you google gods. We were actually in Calton Cemetery, which is the worlds 16th most haunted cemetery. Which is still pretty fucking scary. Anyway, we walked through Greyfriars in the daylight and it pretty much sealed the deal - I will not do it in the middle of the night. 

We walked and we walked and we walked. 27,139 steps. That’s 17.3 kms! I took a photo so I could show people. And that was at 10:30 at night, we still walked back home! If I keep doing this I can keep eating pastries. We have the top 10 pubs to see in Edinburgh and yesterday we crossed 4 off of our Boozy Bucket List. Pub hunting is much more fun than ghost hunting! 👻🍺. Visited The Brewdog, Hanging Bat, Blackbird and Bennett’s Bar. Jed at the Blackbird made me a martini (my first in Scotland) but he added a lemon twist. No olives. Very good.  Mike ordered a pint of something (him and Darian are beer connoisseurs) and the bartender would only serve him a 1/3 of a pint - otherwise he would be, “twittled”. I think that is my new favourite word! You’re not “shittered” your “twittled”. Sounds cute and fuzzy. 

Anyway, so far Edinburgh has been cemeteries, beer and walking! Not only did I get to use the hedgehog 🦔 emoji now I get to use the 🚶🏼‍♀️ emoji! 

April 22

Left Beatrice, the rabbits, ducks, puppies and pheasants 🙁 Very sad to leave the Highlands. But on to our next fucking Adventure! 

Loaded up and headed south. Ryan is driving so much better he hardly ever scares us. Now Darian overreacts to everything which scares us even more. 

Stopped at Sterling for an hour and ended up staying for 3. The most people we have seen at a castle on our entire visit and we were a little bitter about it. There were people walking around in period costumes. Pretty cool but again - too many people. 

Then off to the Wallace Monument. We had to check it his sword. 1.63 metres long -impressive. I have difficulty chopping onions with a 4 inch butcher knife let alone killing countless Englishmen with a 5 1/2 foot sword. We got there at 4:20 and they close at 5:00, so not looking good. The monument is on top of a large hill which we have to scale to get to the monument and then climb the 246 steps to the top. Darian said we could run up the hill. Run up the hill. Run. Hill. Me. Fat. No run. Fortunately there was the last bus to the top (thank you lord Jesus for recognizing my short, fat, non-running body) So made it to the monument but there is still the pesky problem of the 246 steps to the top. In now only 20 minutes. This is not just 246 normal steps, this is 246 stone steps in a circular tower. With a width of about 2 feet’s and people coming down those steps. Not friendly people. Guess what?! I made it!! I cursed the large chicken pot pie I had for lunch (I think I need to go through rehab to break my pastry addiction), I cursed the 2 beer I had at lunch, the coat I was wearing (sweat pouring down my back - I know, I am incredibly sexy), I cursed my lifelong commitment to not exercise, I cursed the Dutch people we kept meeting on the stairs. I cursed the English (they are the reason Wallace had to attack and therefore this God-awful tower was constructed), I cursed Ryan for not offering to piggyback me up, I cursed the 2 beer and beef pot pie I was going to enjoy when I made it back down (let’s be honest, this was not going to be the pivotal moment in my life when I change 47 years of bad behaviour!) and then.......I turned my final step....and I MADE IT!! It was glorious! Euphoric! Elated! And then horrified - my legs were shaking so bad and I realized I need to go back down two hundred and fucking forty fucking six steps! 

Then to the Kelpies. Jord I kept all legs hidden. The Kelpies can definitely take a Kracken. I’m not sure if I have shared my Kracken story. One night, after an awesome Golden party (I know, shocker) Jord was giving everyone names (there is far more to the story but in an effort to protect the innocent I cannot share all details) - anyway, I was christened “The Kracken” and as everyone knows, Krackens have 8 legs (duh?!) but I was in an unfortunate accident and only have 7 legs - I am a Septapus Kracken. Jord vows to get me 3 more legs so my dreams can be realized and I can be a Decapus Kracken. Because Decapus sounds much more frightening than Septapus. Anyway, back to my Kelpie story - these are 30 metre high, horse head sculptures. They were huge.

Then to Edinburgh. Dekker is the DJ/navigator and he did amazing. We all agreed that he was the best person to direct Ryan through the maze of traffic circles and twisting roads to get us to our flat in central Edinburgh. We made it, changed and then headed out for supper and back for more poker games (Darian has finally mastered Wriffle!). A few more drinks (Ryan went to bed) and then we decided it would be a great idea to go the the Greyfriars Kirkyard (cemetery). Greyfriars was established in 1561 and it is rumoured that there are 500,000 bodies buried in there. When there are heavy rain bones have been exposed. It is said to be the most haunted graveyard in the word with an actively violent poltergeist. So off we go, adventuring to the most haunted cemetery in the world, who wouldn’t? We spent about an hour these and it truly was an experience. Very dark and depressing. We all experienced pounding, pebbles tossed towards us and best of all, a hedgehog. Not a ghost hedgehog- a real one! Mike tripped over it and it rolled itself into a ball. Little cutey. While everyone was admiring and taking photos of the hedgehog I was dutifully on ghost watch. The hedgehog could have been a diversion.... I am also very excited that I get to use this emoji: 🦔! 

 We knew we had to be out by the witching hour, 3:00 am, because the cemetery couldn’t get much scarier but we were taking no chances. Made it back to the house by 3:00 and all accounted for so it was a success. 

April 21

Oh. My. God. 5 posts in 1 day. It is like cramming for an exam. Don’t tell my mom -this is how I made it through high school and college. 

Today is a little anti-climatic. We had a gloriously lazy day. Darian, Mike and Dekker went hiking. I blogged (not sure if you know each blog takes me about an hour - it is difficult to get all the voices in my head to work together). Ryan and I did go for about a 5km hike (Darian keeps correcting me - in Scotland it is not hiking it is hill walking). Ry and I walked from behind our house back into the hills - amazing. Honestly amazing. Rugged and desolate. 

But I need to address a couple Scottish issues:

• There is no ice to be bought on this entire island. Anywhere. When you ask for ice in the stores or gas stations they look at you like you are insane. I was asked to repeat my question. Ice for fuck sales. Frozen water. Seriously.
• Wine glasses. Smallest wine glasses I’ve ever seen. 3 sip wine glasses. Where oh where is Big Karl?! Oh for a wine glass that I don’t need to fill every 3 minutes. On a side note: Mcguigan wine? WTF Karl?! Are you holding out?!
• Not being able to buy cases of beer - only singles?!

Also, I apologize for my unbelievable, uncontrollable hair. Granted my hair on a good day is barely passable, I usually look homeless and electrocuted but on this island it is on a whole new level. Darian and I both burnt out our hair straighteners within the first 2 days so that is a slight excuse. Between my frizziness and the wind I look like Mufasa. 

K, I promise to not fall so far behind again. Talk to you tomorrow ABOUT tomorrow! 

April 20

Early morning - lots of driving today.

On our way to Culloden and Mike offered to drive - brave boy. Dekker is navigating and doing an excellent job until we realized there was a miscommunication and we missed Culloden, so, slight change of plans and on to Urquhart Castle. 

I’ve never been to Urquhart so I was excited to see it as well. Urquhart is on the banks of Loch Ness so we also looked for Nessie. She proved elusive but I think she may have been intimidated by The Kracken even though I only have 7 legs. I believe the Loch Ness monster only has flippers so 7 legs are still trump. Jordyn Williams, I still need you to shop for 3 black market legs in Columbia (btw - they can be black) - you can never be too careful with Nessie. She hasn’t survived this long by her good looks and sparkling personality. 

Historic interlude: Once one of Scotland’s largest castles, Urquhart saw great conflict during its 500 years as a medieval fortress. Control of the castle passed back and forth between the Scots and English during the Wars of Independence. The power struggles continued, as the Lords of the Isles regularly raided both castle and glen up until the 1500s.

The last of the government troops garrisoned here during the Jacobite Risings blew up the castle when they left. Urquhart’s iconic ruins remain, offering glimpses into medieval times and the lives of its noble residents.

So basically, when the British soldiers left they said, “fuck the Scots, they’re not keeping this castle”. Fuckers. 

When we left the castle driving north (come hell or high water I’m seeing Culloden) we had a quick chat in the car about seeing Nessie. We need bait. Dekker is too hairy, Darian doesn’t have enough meat on her body, I’m the Kraken and she’s afraid of me, Ryan is an option but so is Mike and we’ve already determined that he is feuding with 1/2 of Scotland so it only makes sense...... So we tried to sacrifice the Gordon but apparently Nessie and the Gordon’s are allies. He lived. 

Then to Culloden. I’m not sure if you know about Scottish history but Culloden is the lowest of the low. It was very sad there. 1500 Scots died and only 300 English and it was, arguably, the end of Scottish independence. No more tartans, clans, bagpipes or kilts. We just missed the anniversary of the battle (April 16, 1746) and it is a testament to the significance of the day that although 272 years have passed there was still many flowers laid at the base of the Cairn. It was a very somber place. The English soldiers and Scottish clansmen were buried on the battlefield. 

Then on to Aviemore (this is the Scottish version of Banff, not to be confused with Banff, Scotland). Had lunch in a pub that was built in 1725 and had a pint and a bowl of soup. We stopped at the butchers and bought wild meat pies (venison, pheasant, pigeon, grouse and rabbit), chicken and curry meat pies and creamy chicken pies. I know what you thinking- “sounds like Stacy is on a diet, eating all that low carb pastry” Well no, actually, I’ve decided to eat and drink my way through Scotland but, prepare yourself, I have actually had sore legs from walking. I know! I’m as surprised as you are. 

Alright my post script is that yesterday was 420 and Mike, Dekker and Darian were sad that they didn’t leave milk and cookies out for Snoop Dog. 

April 19

Today is castle day!! 👻🛡🏰 We drove back to Craigievar Castle (we were too late on the 17th when we headed to Tomintoul). On our way we stopped by Balmoral. “Stopped by” like we were popping in for a quick cuppa. Queen Elizabeth was not there to greet us (apparently she was unaware that a Princess was stopping by). I tried to use my regal title to grant us an exclusive tour but no. They had not heard of Her Royal Highness Princess Stacy of the Strachanshire. In all likelihood she has not been reading my texts - busy with Harry’s wedding, Kate’s baby, Phil’s hip replacement and her own impending birthday. I guess I can forgive her. Darian was disappointed because she wanted to, “have a poke through her knicker drawer”. It is very nice that we are early in tourist season - very peaceful. 

Back in the vehicle to Craigievar and when we got there it was the quietest castle yet - until we realized it was closed. We knocked on the door but no one answered. That’s when we realized that it is far more difficult to storm the castle than we thought. Walked around it 4 times, knocked on the door 10 times, waved at the lady closing the blinds, called The National Trust of Scotland but nope, they would not let us in. Darian was happy she got to see it and Dekker found a geocache so still a win for all. 

Then lunch at Alford Bistro. People are so friendly and we bought £30 worth of carrot cake, Kit Kat squares, Malteser squares, and 3 other magically delicious (probably low carb) treats. 

On to Fraser Castle. (Again not a Gordon friendly castle - what the hell did Michael’s great, great, great, great, great, great grandfathers do?!) Mike was able to play piano in the great hall. Pretty cool. 

Then to Huntly Castle. THIS WAS A GORDON CASTLE!!  This was THE Gordon castle. Impressive. Unfortunately it is a ruin (a house wrecker or two) but still awesome. 

Then we came home and had roast chicken. Mmmm, Ryan is a great cook. More cards - and bed. 

April 18

My iPad will only hold a charge for 1 1/2 maybe 2 hours so, I know what you’re all thinking...ghosts. I’ve watched enough Most Hunted to know that they drain the batteries on electrical equipment. Damn it! Do they not know I’m try to catch up on my blogs?!

So on the 18th we decided it was a distillery tour day (which meant I could drive! Finally!! So excited about the ability to terrify everyone collectively). Started out at the Glen Livet distillery. Very cool and I can only imagine the satisfaction of enjoying a wee dram at the actual distillery but nay, I cannot find it in me to enjoy the taste of Scotch. Or the smell. Vodka or wine for me thank you very much. Unfortunately we could take no photos so I will take the time to share the experience: smells like Granma Jean’s house when she was making moonshine. I think all she needed to finish the product to a fine drink was the wooden kegs. The boys all seemed to enjoy it. Dekker did the Jamieson tour in Ireland so he was familiar with the process. 

Another thing I have decided - I think I want sheep. I told Dekker that he needs to get a job as sheep shearer so he can take care of that part. And maybe a couple chickens. I have to sit Turk and Riggs down and give then a serious talk about animal management. On second thought maybe I’ll just keep going to the grocery store and watching Planet Earth - same thing, less work. 

Back to our distillery tour - we then visited McAllen Distillery. We got there too late for a tour but the boys did have tasting there. There was laughter and scotch bought so I’m assuming it was a success. 

On the way home we stopped and saw some Pictish stones that were 500 A.D. and then home to homemade roast beef and more cards. 

April 17

I’m writing this blog for the second time 🙄. For some reason the first time it did not publish and I became bitter and angry. But I’m back baby for a whole new April 17! I am a little behind but I will get caught up today (April 21).

So we planned to leave Stonehaven early.....we ended up leaving at 11:30, so we need to practice departures. On our road trips we are a well oiled machine - we can be up and gone on 20 minutes and leave no trace. Like ninja warriors.....Fat, middle aged, near sighted, bad tempered ninjas - the fiercest of all the ninjas. Another difference we also are squeezing 5 adults and 270 pounds of luggage into a Skoda, not 2 into the Camaro. Anyway, we are off to Tomintoul.....

My wonderful friend Kim is a speech pathologist and cringes when we mispronounce any word, Kim, you need to mentally prepare yourself for our future visit. Just because it is spelt Tomintoul does not mean it’s pronounced that way. It’s pronounced Tam-in-towel. Everything we say sounds harsh - I’ve never felt (or sounded) so American. We are butchering these wonderful names. 

Darian was not feeling well, a combination of the windy roads, rich food and alcohol- so Dekker gave her 2 Dimenhydrinate, which he promised would not make her sleepy. Fail. She was a zombie. We stopped at Crathes Castle for a tour and Darian was in an alternate universe. We got to legitimately use the handicap parking spot. I’m so glad we brought her caregiver Michael.

 Crathes was beautiful, we are a little early to appreciate the beauty of the gardens but the castle did not disappoint. On each floor of the castle there is a person to explain the history of the room, artifacts in the room or stories of the lairds and ladies through the centuries. Very informative and answered all of our questions. On the fourth floor we met the lovely Bertha Forbes (pronounced Forbis) who was 118 years old and 4’3”. She was so friendly and eplained all of the coats of arms and various books around the the room. I loved Birdie (my new name for her) and I wanted to take her with us to pronounce words properly and explain different parts of the Highlands and rub my feet. Alas, Scotland too frowns upon kidnaping. 

We told Bertha that Mike is a Gordon......silence........awkward silence......... Bertha slowly turned to Mike and raised her fists. Apparently Forbes and Gordon’s are historic enemies. Michael apologized for all the wrongs committed against the Forbes on behalf of the Gordon’s but I think The Little B (my new, new name for her) questioned his sincerity because she pulled out a binder of newspaper clippings and other documentation about the Forbes/Gordon history. Who knew we stumbled upon the Scottish Hatfield’s and McCoy’s? Little Bertha has a lot of pent up anger and has been preparing for a Gordon meeting for the last 118 years. Unfortunately Mike left his binder - “The Shitty Things Forbes Did to Gordon’s” at home so he was ill prepared for the battle. We left/were escorted out of the castle but Mike vows to return and raze the castle (I am claiming rights to the future book). 

Just a quick history lesson: the Gordon’s supported Mary Queen of Scots (catholic) and Forbes supported her son James VI  (Protestant). There was a long-running feud between the Forbes and Gordon families which culminated with two full scale battles - first The Battle of Tillieangus and then The Battle of Craibstone. The 6th Lord Forbes’s youngest son known as Black Aurther Forbes was killed at the Battle of Tillieangus. Legend has it that “he stooped down to quench his thirst and one of the Gordons gave him his death blow through an open joint in his armour“.

Now on to our new house on the Delnabo (I know how you are pronouncing it and you’re wrong) Estate. We have rented the gamekeepers house and it is so cute. A very rural location so we’re right at home. There are lots of bunnies, pheasants, ducks, chickens and grouse that wander through the yard. We have named our resident hen Beatrice. She is quite stunning - as chickens go. 

The Delnabo cottage is very quaint and everything you would expect a Highland cottage to be. Looking forward to our visit. 

April 16

Things we learned today:

Darian: The peace sign backwards is equivalent to the middle finger 🖕🏼She thought she was being friendly....

Stacy: Don’t try to only have one drink with Sher.

Michael: I would recommend jumping in the North Sea everyday to everyone.

Ryan: Don’t keep the house keys from Stacy.

Dekker: Doesn’t matter where you go you’ll always find a friend.

Joe: Don’t bet Mike £20 that he won’t jump in the North Sea.

By the way, Joe is our new Scottish friend who followed us home from the bar and could possibly be accompanying us for the remainder of our journey. He called Dekker “Jesus” then asked him to order 5 glasses of water and turn them into wine. 

We had a wonderful day with Roy and Sher. What a day. We watched old home movies from 1985. Classic. Then more from 1991 and it was wonderful to see dad in the movies but it did make me cry. It’s funny to see him younger than I am now. Roy was unrelentless with that video camera and it was brilliant. So happy to share those again. Roy and Sher were wonderful hosts, I thought we might never leave! ❤️❤️❤️

April 15

Well we have acclimated, finally! Well speaking for myself....I went to bed at 1:00 a.m. and I found out the next morning that Darian, Mike and Dekker went chasing sheep and swimming in the North Sea after I went to bed! WTF, like I didn’t want to go?! Actually, I am very glad because I saw how much sheep shit is on Darian’s shoes - I made a better decision. So, up at a respectable 8:30 and had coffee, crib and breakfast. 

Then on to Dunnottar. In Darian’s words, “That castle demands respect” probably the best description I’ve ever heard of that castle. It never gets old - actually it is 900 years old but I never get tired of seeing it. And the kids were dutiable impressed. You have to see it to believe it. 

Then we went for lunch and I swear to God, we had to fight off a seagull for our food. I. Shit. You. Not. This fucker would swoop down at you while you were eating and nothing but a taser would slow that fucker down. He did this call and all his friends would join him and create a united front to storm our table. Military strategy and  tactics to conduct warfare to acquire French fries. Even the waitresses would scan the roof when the ran out to deliver meals. It was terrifying. Having said all that, that fucking seagull saw the size of me and knew not to try any shit with me - my dessert would have been sautéed seagull with a scoop of ice cream. 

So we went to Pam and Mike’s for a visit with everyone. I cannot begin to tell everyone how amazing it is to walk back into this family after 30 years and, honestly not miss a beat. It is a tribute to the bond that Mike/Pam/ Sher/Roy/Mary/Rod shared that this truly is our Scottish family. What incredible people. Their children and grandchildren are aces. Ryan shook Dekkie’s hands and said, “The last time we met you had hair.” And Dekkie didn’t miss a beat when he replied, “Ya mate, last time we met you were 6 stone”. It was fucking hilarious. It was a family reunion in every sense of the word. Nics made us supper reservations and then we went for a visit with her and Tony and their family in their lovely home. Scottish hospitality at its best. Tony is hilarious and he was such a gentleman, he spoke slow so we could understand him. Well, not Darian. He could have written it down and she wouldn’t have understood. 

April 14....... Again.....

So it’s my birthday but you know how some people say, “Ya, I’m 32 again”? Well I’m going to say it’s my 59th birthday because then people will say, “Damn, you look fine for 59!!” Instead of, “You are a rough 32”. So it’s my 59th birthday- Happy Birthday to me! And an absolute sincere thank you to everyone who wished me a happy birthday, I felt the love and had a very large giggle over Callie Beamish and Rebecca Kolisnek pictures. Those were both stellar parties that I am proud to be a part of!! Bring me Sharpies and penguins!!

So you know the 68 hour day we experienced yesterday .... Darian and I were up until 5:00 am and drank 3 more bottles of wine but swore we would be up at 9:00 am.....so......we woke up at noon....... Damn😳 Ryan and Mike made breakfast and Dekker made Mimosas. Great morning but it was followed by the the absolute best afternoon. Pam, Mike, Roy and Sher came over for a visit and it was unbelievable. I love them so much, it was the best. I cried so much, my heart was full. (On a side note - While I wrote this and am crying and Micheal said in a Scottish accent, “Stacy! Build a bridge.....and get over it!!!) We honestly laughed until we cried, we talked so much about Dad and he would have loved it. There was nothing he loved more than being the centre of attention, and he was. Cheers to you dad, you were a King among men. ❤️

We are going over tomorrow to visit and I’m not sure I’ll sleep I’m so excited. Being 59 is great!! 

We went for supper at a pub and, again, it was amazing. The we walked down to the harbour and had a pint and Darian, Michael and Dekker are amazed at the relaxed alcohol rules. It is such a warm, friendly country. We are having such a great time. Tomorrow morning - the beginning of our many castle tours.....

April 14

Time means nothing anymore. It’s like The Matrix. I do not know if it’s Thursday, Friday, 10:00 or 5:00, a.m. or p.m. 

Quick update on our trip since we left Calgary in 2011(apparently I’m unsure of the year as well). We got on the most comfortable, spacious airplane I have ridden on. Just kidding, it was so tight that I had to talk myself down from a claustrophobic anxiety attack. We sat 4 abreast and my feet swelled to the point they could have exploded. Not pretty. Darian (as I mentioned she is awful flyer) was going to not take pills, ya that happened until we reached an altitude of 150 feet and she starts chewing Adavan like they were Bottle Caps. 2 Ativan, 1 Melatonin and 3 bottles of red wine and suddenly she is Elon Musk. She was high giving people high fives when we were experiencing turbulence. It was like the best road trip she’s ever been on. We are calling her Atavarian. When you talk to her one eye wouldn’t open but that was a small sacrifice we all were willing to accept to not have her screaming hysterically during the entire flight. 

Short stop over in Amsterdam (which, honestly, takes People Watching to a whole new level) and back onto a plane to Aberdeen. It is testament to the level of medication/alcohol Darian was on that she thought it was hilarious when we had to abort our landing and try again. But I have to give a shout out to the 25 hairs that were 4 inches long that were growing out of the Asian’s face mole that was sitting beside us in Amsterdam. I’m totally going to relax about plucking. I’m sure it a cultural thing so when I do my Ancestry DNA I’m going to be 5% Asian (my drinking eyes have foretold this genetic connection). 

Anyway, landed in Aberdeen and I’m so excited to see Dekker (and in my world he is as excited as I am) and then we land and.....no Dekker...... The little fucker is touring in Aberdeen and we have to wait for him. While we wait for him we got the vehicle we rented. I had nightmares about the vehicle we are getting - visions of us packed into a Prius with the luggage on a roof rack - but we have Skoda (I believe Skoda Kodiaq means Colassal Chariot) and we can all fit with our luggage far more comfortably than KLM. But that is only the first part of the journey - now Ryan has to drive through Aberdeen - with other vehicles- and multiple traffic circles. I think that bungee jumping is less of a adrenaline rush. 

We are in our flat in Stonehaven and it is wonderful. We are across from a field full of sheep. We wanted Darian to go Mutton Busting. I think it still may be an option, she is going to pet one, it will try to run away from her and she will chase that fucker down. 

We went for a fabulous lunch (okay in the spirit of honesty - I had no idea of what meal we were eating - it was Dekker’s breakfast and I thought it was supper) and Ryan and Darian were both falling asleep during the meal. But to be fair we had been up for 26 hours, so we came back and Ryan crashed. Then we let Mike drive when we drove for groceries and he is awesome. He did so well! Came back and we lost another soldier - Darian crashed. Mike, Dekker and I stayed up and had some drinks.......until I crashed.......at 5:00......P.M.!! So Ryan and I woke up and I was so happy to realize it was 5:30 a.m. except it wasn’t. IT WAS 10:00 ON A FRIDAY NIGHT!! So we all got up and met Dekker at the pub at 11:00 pm and had drinks. So now it’s 2:30 in the morning on Tuesday, September 24, 2015. Right?

April 12

Sitting in the airport in Calgary and I had an epiphany - I hate flying. It’s like when I’m going up a chair lift to go skiing - I always remember at that point that I hate skiing. We went through security (we passed!) and a pilot butted in line ahead of us filled with self-importance and arrogance that only a pilot or a bouncer at the Rose and Crown in Banff possess. He was very indigent that he had to:

• Go through security and have his bags checked -again!
• He bags were split up to go through the X-ray machine
• The security lady would not take his information until she finished with us
• When he was through he had to talk to the manager about the way he was treated 

The manager never looked up from her phone while she consoled him with a sincere, “that’s unfortunate”. I wanted to high five her. I would have suggested to him that he should just relax and treat people with a little more respect. Naw, just kidding, I would have called him a pretentious dick but I was afraid he was our pilot and I know pilots possess the power to deny me my ride. I’m not sure if I can Uber a flight. Jen has a sad tale about being denied a flight home from Vegas. Vegas loved her so much that it wanted to keep her as one of their own. 

We have not boarded yet and all I am doing is scanning the waiting area for kids. So far so good. But I think I may be bringing the problem child on the plane. Darian. She is ridiculous about flying. I told her that her life was in far more danger driving with Ryan to the airport that the actual flight. I have medicated her with a Caesar and 2 beer. I am prepared to put her in a half Nelson to calm her. I had booked her and Mike away from us so I could hear her hysteria but KLM kindly rearranged us (those fuckers) so now I can’t complain to anyone about the crazy woman back in row 16. 

Okay, I don’t understand time changes so I will be blogging at various times. 

April 10

So....I’m going back to Scotland. But there is an entirely new chapter to this story but first I must preface it with a quick history.

My family moved to Scotland when I was in Grade 5. Dad was working in the North Sea on the Piper Alpha and we lived in Portlethen - south of Aberdeen 12 miles (ish). We met the most wonderful, life long friends (Roy and Sher and family and Pam and Mike and family). Fast forward 30 years and I have the honour and privilege of taking my family back home with me to visit and meet everyone. ❤️

Dekker is on his quest to circle the world (a.k.a. Hide from his mother!) and Ryan and I thought it was an incredible opportunity for us for visit him with Michael and Darian (for those of you who do not know Mike he is the child I wish I had born and raised. Such a wonderful human being - to know him is to love him). So for Christmas Darian and Mike got plane tickets to Scotland and Dekker got a Go Pro (to chronicle his escape from his maternal duties). 

I have to quickly recap. We lived in Scotland from 1982 - 1986 and then mom and dad moved back in1989. I would later laugh - when I graduated high school in 1989 my mom and dad left the country to ensure I would vacate the nest and then they moved to Mexico when Scott turned 18 to ensure he too left. 

Anyway, we are off this week and I can honestly say I’m not sure what I’m more excited to see - Scotland, our friends or Dekker. 

I had to include a photo of Grandma Jean. I’m going to dedicate an entire blog to this woman, who probably loved me more than any human being ever has or ever will, and I her. After mom and dad moved back to Scotland and I was slightly adrift, she bought me a ticket to Scotland to see mom and dad. I, literally, showed up on their doorstep - unannounced. It was glorious. 

It will also be bittersweet seeing Scotland after dad is gone. I think even Scotland will lose some of its luster without dad to share my stories with. 

I promise to share this chapter with far more laughter than this blog. I’m not sure if it is the Humboldt loss or the memory of Grandma and Dad that is making me heart sore. I think I am taking a moment to reflect on all I have had and all I have and my heart swells with love and gratitude.