1. Colin Kaepernick. Seriously. Seriously. Who gives a fuck! I’m so sick of this kneeling nonsense. So what! He knelt during the bloody anthem. He did not kill anyone, did not abuse children, no tax evasion that I’ve heard of. There is ethnic cleansing in Myanmar right now and the U.S. is worried about Nike’s deal with Kaepernick. Honestly, they deserve Trump.
2. Donald Trump. That fucker is insane. It is like a bad sitcom. Sleep with porn stars just quit making friends with Kim Jong-un. Oh ya, what about that Keystone pipeline....
3. Trudeau. I think I can just stop there but I won’t. He flies in has a quick chat this Rachel. I’m sure it went like this:
Rachel: (sobbing) J.T. I really need this pipeline to go through. Alberta hates me. (more sobbing, probably some arm flailing)
J.T.: Um, Rachel (hair flip and a quick selfie) I will, um, see what I can do, um, but , um usually I’m not allowed out on my own, um. I think that um, I will go to um, BC and, um, talk to the First Nations, um, I bought a headdress to wear.
Rachel: Oh really Justin, I think I can win over Alberta with a pipeline, but no worries as soon as I’m re-elected we can tax the shit out of these stupid Albertans that voted for me.
J.T.: Really Rachel?! Can we pinkie swear?
Well, it probably didn’t go exactly like that. She probably gave him a Pop Tart and a pat on the head before they began to keep his attention.
4. Fall. I love it. I wish it lasted for 3 months! I know I posted pictures of my Viginia Creeper (I know that sounds dirty - I giggle every time I write it) but it is truly spectacular. I’m not sure if Turk and Riggs appreciate the beauty of it. We have live here for 16 years and it has taken that long for it to do anything, but, it has been worth the wait.
5. I recently attended my baby cousins wedding. Baby Brett. I was actually horrified to learn he is now 33. If I do the math that makes me.... plus 6.....minus 2......carry the seven....WAY FUCKING OLDER THAN HIM. We are the bookend grandchildren on the Smith side - I’m the oldest and he is the youngest. There is a few on the middle too. I honestly never pay attention during a wedding ceremony. I didn’t even pay attention during my own, I was worried about kissing Ryan in front of 200 people. I wanted to whisper to him - please - no tongue in front of my dad. I also remember that it was loooonnnngggg. Ryan and I were pretty much on the same page for our future from day one. We also had a long discussion about the “love, honour and obey” part of the vows and our minister told me I was misinterpreting the meaning of it. I told him regardless of the meaning I’m not saying it unless he does too. We agreed not to have it in the vows and what did that sneaky fucker do?! He put them in!! I was tempted to argue with him mid-ceremony but I withheld but while we were walking down the aisle post ceremony I assured Ryan I had not meant the obey part. We have also talked (okay, I have talked - he said absolutely NO) about renewing our vows. Ryan said if he had to write his vows he would say, “I promise to put up with your shit” and really, what else can a girl ask for? I was going to watch our wedding ceremony and pay attention this time but the VCR wouldn’t work and I realized I had 2 episodes of Saturday Night Live I hadn’t watched so.....
That’s it for now. But we are on the Road Trip countdown so stay tuned.....
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