August 15

Well I spent some quality time with my mom on Sunday. Picking out a funeral plot for her and dad. Yep, nothing says, "Funday Sunday" like graveyard hopping. But God bless her for making these decisions now. My dad and I were funeral whores. Anytime he needed someone to go with him I would be there. (Mostly for the sandwiches). I have a very nervous tick - I laugh at funerals. I swear to God I don't know why but I do. At Grandma Jean's funeral the pall bearers slipped on the snow (cowboy boots + snow = disaster) and almost dropped the coffin. All I could think of was Grandma saying, "Well excuse me I just fell out of the hearse" which was one of her favourite sayings. I was out of control laughing. Even at Dad's funeral (to date worst day of my life) I laughed pretty much through the entire process. Well, until I had to get up to give his eulogy, then I struggled. But my dad would have laughed - mostly at me - and he wouldn't have minded me saying fuck either - he would have really laughed at that. Anyway, this leads me to my own funeral wishes:

I have to preface this with Darian's prediction that Jen and I will die together of sudden liver failure. Like Thelma and Louise The Sequel. 

• Naturally martinis, red or white wine will be served when you enter. 
• Have not yet decided where the funeral will be held (depends on how infamous I/we are at our death(s). Definitely not a church, actually most churches requested this.
• I would like everyone to sing Country Roads. But it must be sung like I sing it.....badly. Maybe Fat Bottom Girls too, maybe read the crowd, see if they want something a little more upbeat. No hymns for the love of God.
• Crying, wailing. Especially from Ryan (and please make sure he doesn't bring a date) - just kidding, Darian already said she'd take care of that.
• I have not yet decided about cremation. I requested that Ryan build me a mausoleum but that was shut down fairly quickly. I'm 98% leaning towards cremation. 
• Also not sure of my pall bearers. I believe the number I have directly corresponds to my death weight. So is 12 too many? Like bridesmaids! I actually like this idea when I'm alive. Like Cleopatra being cared around. 

Anyway, any day spent with my mom is great. She had a beautiful spot picked out for her and dad (and the ashes of the 4 dogs we have - don't tell her though). She will be around for many years to come (very important because we need to know who they'll be buried by - many need to relocate to a better neighbourhood 😉) And my death will come after I overthrow the nursing home I am lodged at and eliminate curfew and institute Happy Hour at the ripe age of 94.