January 5

In my constant attempt to be a better person (or at least someone who is not on trial for manslaughter) I am going to only share positive thoughts on Facebook. This is going to be an epic task. I would like to describe my style as “passionate” but before I try to calm my temper I am going to get a couple things off my chest:

1. Bighorn Proposal- now Shannon Phillips is claiming bullying. With all due respect Ms. Phillips, we are not bullying anyone. We are passionate and protective about our backyard. We are stewards of the West Country. We feel YOU are bullying us. You are pushing through a proposal that makes no sense - for your own parties political gain. We feel cheated, lied to and ignored. We are not bullying, we are exasperated. Now enough on the topic. I will complete the survey 200 times. I will vote UPC in the next provincial election and hope Mr Kenney will listen to our concerns before making any decisions that will directly affect our livelihoods. 

2. Yellow Vests - I agree on principle BUT I am not anti-immigration. I am pro-responsible immigration. Canada is a melting pot, I learned that in Grade 4. I looked around my at my classmates and recognized many skin colours, nationalities and in later years, I also recognized sexual orientation. I am very anti-hate speeches and ignorance. It is a big wide world, and I believe that 95% of our population wants to live a pleasant, happy life. I refuse to listen to the 5% that are exhausting with their doom and gloom opinions. My life is too short - so is yours.

3. Anti Oil and Gas/Carbon Tax - to those people who believe carbon tax is going to improve emissions or that shutting down the oil sands is going to make unicorns and leprechauns appear sprinkling pixie dust on us all - I would like to take a sip of your lemonade. Seriously, it must be glorious to be that self righteous and indignant that we pro-oil satanist are destroying your planet. Before you climb up on your pedestal take a moment to realize what you are saying. Canada will become a third world country. Albeit a third world country that hand out honorary degrees to the like of David Suzuki (one of the most hypocritical people ever) and host to the Decaprios and Fonda’s of the world. Do you realize Canada, until very recently, still mined and sold asbestos to second and third world countries?! Where is your social indignation over that? Oil and gas companies are extremely environmentally responsible. No more than that - oil and gas companies lead all industries in funding environmental programs. Not only that - they employ (directly or indirectly) most Albertans as well as donating heavily to social programs and local programs. So if you have anything to say about oil and gas it should be a gracious and heartfelt thank you.

4. Notley and Trudeau. We live in a democracy. Thank God. We have freedoms that most of us take for granted. Thank God. We, this is a collective, royal “we” - voted both of these parties in. I respect anyone who votes. It is my right to argue with our government policies. I am, quite obviously, right wing, but I do not agree with all of their policies either (I’ll get into this in point 5) but this is our current government. Ms. Notley, I think she is an excellent person to have in an opposition party, however I think she is in over her head and has been for the entire term. Please let me clarify, her party, not her. I give her much credit for service and think she has had a lot of obstacles but none of those are related to her gender. I think she has handled herself admirable, however this makes no difference in my vote - it will most definitely be for the UPC. Now Trudeau - I think Casey from Mr. Dress Up would do a better job of governing our country that this spoilt, self-intitled, arrogant momma’s boy could ever do. He has treated Canada abominably. He has embarrassed us repeatedly. How was he even a successful drama teacher?! He couldn’t give a speech if his life depended on it. I pray that he is ousted in October- I’m sure he will have a wonderful career ahead of him kissing the UN’s ass.

5. UPC - okay guys and gals - don’t fuck this up. Learn from past experience. Don’t take your leadership for granted. Have Albertans backs. Defend us against terrible federal policies. Let’s weather this volatile gas market and encourage investment in our great province. Have the balls to stand up against C69. Draw some hard lines in the sand. And for the love of God and all things holy - Bill 24 - support it. Do not become involved in outing children to their parents. Any sex education or sexual orientation is none of the governments business. It’s not your business and it’s not mine. 

Okay, got that all off my chest now onwards and upwards with 2019 - only happy funny posts. 

December 31

So, firstly, Happy New Year. Now I have to tell you about holidays I hate:

1. Hallowe’en. I hated it when I was young, I hated it when my kids were young and I hate it now. I did like Halloween caberet’s at Hardendell Hall. Is it Hardendell or Hardindell Hall? Fuck! This would be a question I would ask my dad! 

2. Valentines Day. Seriously. Why do we need a day to acknowledge the many ways our husbands do not recognize us?! Let’s have a day that they forget about us and we have to know they know we know they don’t give a shit about this day! 

3. New Years Eve! I don’t like hugging and kissing people wishing them happy New Year. I don’t like people. I don’t like being excited about a new year I don’t like being sad a year is over. I don’t like New Years! 

But here we are. So instead of making my own resolutions I’m going to make the for other people. Here goes: 

1. Darren Williams. Well this is easy. He can only improve. There is no way back. Be a better person. To grow 2 inches. To accept all of Jen’s friends. To not curl his little lips. To stop braiding his armpit hairs. To let us share his data. To not yell at his kids when their party lasts longer than ours. To be more hospitable. To be more nice - even the Grinch’s heart grew 3 sizes for fuck sakes! 

2. Tyler - take your meds you crazy little fucker.

3. Ryan - to consolidate your multiple personalities into a whole person 

4. Brian - be able to wiggle your toes. Baby steps. And learn to love your inner vagina - we love you as “one of the girls” 

5. Jen - stop falling asleep at 9:30 on New Years Eve. Pace yourself.

6. Kim - live life. Love lots and be okay. We love everything about you. Be you. 

7. Shorty - put your fucking Christmas tree in the right place!

8. Callie - no more dogs and keep this boy - we like him.

9. Jord - my Captain. Keep your Zappleton close and always listen to my bedtime stories.

10. Darian - deer strike. You know what I mean.

11. Dekker - shave. Maybe a hair cut. 

12. Dennis Grandy - please don’t retire. Rethink your decisions.

13. Tammy Burke - aka “ The Mayor” - consider allowing Brian and I to write your speeches 

14. Braunski - shave that god awful moustache 

15. Tracy - to lay off the gym.... and stop fucking crying! 

16. Trena - get a nanny......for Newf

17. Newf - lay off the gym......and stop fucking crying 

18. Travis - deliver 3 random Burger Baron meals to Jen and I throughout 2019

19. Cam - breathe deep, go slow and drain all the water out of Sea World

20. Merrily - move back to Rocky
21. Michael - put a ring on it!!! And keep your bagpipes on you at all times! 

22. Brenda - go clothes shopping for Pete

23. Pearl - listen to Stacy sing for an hour every week

24. Stacy - keep on keeping on. Blog more. Gain 5 pounds to finally reach your goal weight. Stretch more. Paint my toe nails monthly. Reach my toe nails. Give Tyler his meds. 

So I think we can all agree that 2019 is looking good. 

December 18

Oh my Lord! Every time I look at Facebook it is anger - Yellow Vests, Trudeau, Notley, Bighorn Propsal, Oil Prices, Trump, Putin, France, Brexit - please Lord Jesus in your manger surrounded by sheep and goats and allegid “wise men” I wave the white flag (sorry if I offended- light coloured flag), I call a temporary truce. It is Christmas. Let’s be merry and bright. (In honour of my momma - Let’s be Mary and bright!😘) I would like to acknowledge 10 things I am grateful for this year:

1. Ryan. I love you and am constantly amazed by your patience in me. Seriously, 80% of the time I am not that crazy about me. I love you and have for 30+ years. You make me laugh, and cry, and pull my hair out but I would not want to do this crazy fucking adventure without you.

2. Global warming. Fuck y’all if it means not -40 degrees I’m in! 

3. Trump. Now just listen, I think the fucker is certifiable but he is entertaining. I would love to see him bitch slap Trudeau - that UN loving, pipeline hating, Quebec worshipping, Bollywood imitating, publicity whoring mother fucker - but make no mistake, I think Trump is 2 degrees short of sane but at the same time, he is the most honestly self serving politician I can remember- which makes him the most honest politician holding office. 

4. My friends. The list is long. Trena, Jen, Brian, Kim, Shorty, Callie, Momsie, Becky....okay the list isn’t THAT long but bitches - I love you. You make me laugh. You counsel. You plot. You cry. You think of alibis. You help me spend the imaginary lottery. I love you all. To the moon and back.

5. Scotland. Roy, Sher, Pam and Mike. I cannot put into words seeing you again. It was everything I hoped, imagined and expected. You welcomed my family, you welcomed me and you honoured my dad. I love you all more than you will ever know. I count the minutes until I can see you again. I was so proud to share you with my kids.

6. Keyera. I spend most of the time with my work family. You are pretty great. I am usually laughing with you.....or at you. 

7. My crazy brain. I know I have heard lots of people comment on my blog but I really is the best outlet for my insanity. It is therapeutic. It is an outlet. I recommend all to do this. Even if no one reads it, I promise, it will make you feel better.

8. Micheal - you are my 3rd child. You are such a welcome addition to our family and have been from the first moment we met you. You possess a graciousness that I would love to possesss. Please let me sing back up in your band. 

9. My melodious voice. Although no one appreciates you as much as I do, I think you are wonderful. I think Freddie Mercury and Prince died not appreciating the 3rd wonder of the musical world - your range and abilities. No one sings Paradise By The Dashboard Light like you. Okay, maybe Meatloaf but you are a close second. I share dub you “Meatball”.

10. Obviously my kids - you gave me grey hairs, substantially decreased my bank account, made me laugh, stress me out and made me incredibly proud. Dekker travelling the world with more facial hair than Jesus Christ himself and Darian, who is part mermaid and can live in a hot tub for 12 hours - I love you both and expect you to take care of me in my old age in a manner I have become accustomed to.

Honourable mentions:

Don and Marilyn - I cannot express the pleasure I get in my toilet paper being folded like a 5 star resort.

Martini Thursday- I need not quantify why you are my favourite day of the week.

Jord - because you are Jord.

Cam - because you love my dog as much as I do.

Jocelyn - just because. Please visit more.

Darren - for letting us celebrate Martini Thursday 5 days a week at your house

Darren - for not being home 5 days a week

Dennis Grandy - you would have made top 10 but you are retiring and I cannot yet process what this means to my life. 

November 29

I attended the Bighorn County Proposal meeting on Wednesday night. Below are the notes I made as well as any comments I made. I tried to include as many direct quotes as possible.

 

Introduction:

·         North Saskatchewan Regional Plan is the basis of this new plan. This has been given priority ahead of regional plan (I did sense desperation in this statement).

·         This will allow increased protection of the area.

·         They are not taking away recreational use – they are “enhancing” it.

·         This plan addresses “increasing industrial pressure”

·         There is “untapped potential for tourism”

·         My comments and questions to the introduction were:

1.       What necessitated legislated protect? Answer: Protecting the headwaters and the land use. This is a direct result from the Saskatchewan Regional Plan suggested.

2.       You talk about meetings with stakeholders yet there is no public consultations with Clearwater residents and they are your largest stakeholders. Why no public meetings? Answer: We are sharing with the residents via the feedback from the website and the telephone town hall. I responded with – Many people are not comfortable with online feedback or do not access to the internet and I have participated in telephone town hall meetings and they are terrible at best. I finally had to hang up because the quality was so terrible. I suggest you have town hall meetings open to the public. If this is a plan that everyone supports and encourages and you yourselves stand behind then you should get incredible buy in and if not then I think you are obligated to do further work.

3.       What determines the “Development Plan” after Jan 2019? No clear answer on this.

 

Provincial Parks:

·         3 parks planned:

o   David Thompson Provincial Park

§  From  Cline River to the existing park.

§  It would incorporate Two O’clock Creek, Kootenay Plains group sites and Thompson Creek

§  These existing campgrounds would be “refurbished with the ability to increase in future”

§  There would be private investment

§  My comments were:

·         Would random camping still be available at Preacher Point? Answer: Yes, they would fix the loop road and add outhouses and garbage facilities. I commented  the in my experience garbage facilities aided in littering, using the pull off at both Nordegg and along Abraham Lake. Those garbage cans are overflowing and usually not used. Garbage is set beside the garbage cans.

·         Private investment in a provincial campground? Please explain how this would look. Paul Radchenko, Team Lead, Land Use Planning Tourism Policy and Strategy Unit, responded that it could be ice climbing guides, rock climbing guides, fishing or hunting guides or comfort camping. I responded that many of those options are organic until we get to the comfort camping option. I am also leery of private investment – this is a vague statement that makes me uneasy.

o   Ya Ha Tinda Park

§  Existing trails would be kept

§  Again, potential for private investment

o   North Saskatchewan River Provincial Park

§  Upriver from the trunk road

§  Would continue to include river boat use

§  OHV use will continue

§  More formalized campground

§  Possibility of “camping huts” for canoers

 

Provincial Recreation Area:

·         4 Areas Planned:

o   Bighorn Dam

§  A visitor hub available

§  There will be “facility tourism opportunities”

§  Again, private investment opportunities

§  My comments were:

·         Again your verbiage is disconcerting. The use of words like “tourism opportunities” and “Investment Opportunities” are vague and provide fairly broad spectrum of possibilities. Do you understand that this lack of clarification makes it difficult for people to buy in to your plan? Answer: Truthfully I got no clear answer.

·         I am not opposed to development but this development does not sound organic. Paul Radchenko again said that they would be respectful of the area and said, “We wouldn’t for example put in a Ferris wheel at Bighorn” to which I responded – there is talk of a zip line at the da, that is pretty damn close to a Ferris wheel in my opinion.

o   Hummingbird

§  Rustic Fixed roof – wall tents and cabins

§  “Small scale tourism facilities”

o   Snow Creek

§  Expand the area

§  Nordic ski centre development

§  “Small scale tourism facilities”

§  Expand the campground

§  Ecolodge cabins

§  Four seasons development

o   Shunda

§  Would include Goldeye and Fish Lake – both sides of the highway

§  4 seasons resort

§  Ecolodge, hostels, cabins (please note: both of those words are plural)

§  “Large scale tourism facilities”

PLUZ

·         2 Planned:

o   Kiska

§  “mid to large scale accommodations”

§  “extensive outdoor recreational activities”

o   West Country

§  “mid to large scale accommodations”

§  Front country camping

§  Outdoor recreational activities

§  “Phased planning approach”

§  And camping “until an opportunity to develop recreational management plans”

·         My comments: Again the verbiage is so vague that you are covering all your bases. And your “until an opportunity to develop recreational management plans” is literally occurring in my back yard. So the fact that your legislating the use of my backyard I take issue with.

 

The West PLUZ if further split into 4 areas”

·         Braz River

·         Nordegg River

·         Prairie Creek

·         James River

 

I have lived in the area for my life, I have used the area, my grandparents lived and worked in Nordegg and this is a community that to this day is impressive for their tight knit family. This area had been used for 70+ years and has been self-managed and the footprint in the area is negligible. I take offense to the government coming in under the guise of “protecting the environment” when in actuality it is another form of control. This is an area I literally know like the back of my hand, we live on the Northfork Road - that is not a name on the map to me – it is real. The “Kananaskis to the North” or “Edmonton’s playground” offends me more than I could ever share. This is our home – where we work, live and play. It is so disrespectful and even more so when our elected officials will not even listen to our concerns. This could be the greatest plan ever developed and you have lost all buy in because of your delivery method. If this is intended to be Rachel’s legacy then let me reassure you it is not, her legacy will be confusion, deception and desperation.

 

 This a synopsis of the evening, albeit with my own interpretation included.  

November 27

okay....I am going to spit ball a couple ideas......just stick with me......

What. If. Mary. And. Joesph. Actually. Had. Sex?! Just let me go with this, I’m going to recreate the birth of Jesus with a more modern (dare I say realistic?)option. So Mary and Joe, being the young teenagers they were and Joe being from the wrong side of the proverbial tracks naturally fell in love. Mary snuck out and met Joe and went to a party, imbibed in a little too much wine and one thing led to another....and.....Mary found out she was going to be a mom. It happens to the best of us, but Mary knew her parents were going to lose it and disown her.

So she met up with Joe and they chatted about options...

1. Run run away to Jerusalem. 
2. Or......what if they convinced Mary’s parents that she was pregnant with the King of Kings, The Redeemer AND (because she was STILL a virgin) that the father of this future little stunner was the Holy Spirit himself?! 

I totally would have gone with option 2. I mean I’m sure a few unwed mothers have run it past their parents. Bless Mary’s parents, they went with the story. 

But maybe her parents shared their good news with family and friends and there was some scepticism that started to spread and there was some doubt about the actual story surrounding the conception. (On a side note I am sure Mary’s parents were those ones that thought their child could do no wrong. She was the “best” at gymnastics and “sang” like an angel in the choir and couldn’t bear to think she would get pregnant out of wedlock). Anyway they confront Mary and Joe and the gig is up - they kick her out. 

So they hop on that donkey and get the hell out of Dodge and you KNOW they fought the entire way. Seriously, she was nine months pregnant and riding an ass through the hot, sandy desert with no end game in sight. This is how you know the bible was written by men - there is no credit given to this poor woman and her horrific burro ride only to go into labor and have to give birth in a barn. She was probably so happy to just be out of the saddle and not listening to Joe go on and on about his three uncles coming to visit and how “wise” they were and he could definitely work for him.

Anyway they have their little bundle of joy and start fighting about what they are going to name him. Imagine if Joe won the argument- Our Lord and Saviour Steve just doesn’t have the same ring does it?

November 17

So I started decorating my house. I am sorry, I am one of those people. I even apologize to the jaded Stacy who I fight with for conscience space. So to get in the Christmas spirit I have the Christmas carols cranked. My dogs do not appreciate the loud Christmas carols but to be fair they do not appreciate any loud music. While singing my heart out I realize how truly twisted these songs are!

I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus - talk about a child being forced to question his mothers integrity and morals. He may be witnessing his mother having an affair with...of all people...Santa Claus! Oh the humanity! This is a child that is going to need considerable therapy in the future.

Baby it’s Cold Outside - this poor woman is being held against her will with this guy that will just not take no for an answer. He may even be slipping a roofie in her drink. She is doing all she can do to convince her captor release her. Come to think of it, this could be the boy who saw mommy kissing Santa Claus who grew into a man with serious relationship issues. 

I Want A Hippopotamus For Christmas- you know your child is spoilt when he asks for a hippopotamus for Christmas and only a hippopotamus will do. I am all for encouraging a vibrant imagination but I am getting the impression this child is on the demanding side of normal. If my child ever asked for a hippopotamus we would sit down and have a serious conversation about how life is going to disappoint him in innumerable ways if he expects large African animals are going to live in our basement. Dekker and I actually had this conversation when he sang, “I want a snake for Christmas and only a snake will do”. I actually believe my response was, “Not a fucking chance”.

Santa Claus is Coming To Town - He knows when you’re sleeping and he knows when you’re awake. You better be good for goodness sake....why?! Because this creepy old bastard is watching you that’s why! 

I do love Christmas carols - even the sick, twisted ones. Tomorrow my blog is going to be about Mary, and the improbability of a “virgin” having a child.....

October 19

I am very sorry. I did not finish off our road trip. Just so everyone knows we made it across the border and home safely. I am sure you were sitting on the edge of your seats thinking, “Did they make it back across the border?” Or “I am so concerned about their well being...?” Nope none of that! Where is the love ya’ll?

We made it to Portland safely, all be it, the long way round. Ryan and I were leading and our GPS was on “Avoid Highways” so what should have been a relatively short trip again ended up being an adventure. Our house, when we FINALLY arrived at what was arguably the best rental we have ever had (this has been followed by many Durango versus Portland fights in the last month - both houses were amazing but for the best house it has to be Portland but the best time goes to Durango...it’s my blog...I get the final say...) Anyway, settled in quickly and had a fire and drinks on our deck. Next day Brian opted to stay home....still dragging his hind leg..... Ryan’s and Fuzz went antique shopping and us girls went shopping shopping. We got the the mall and were comfortably in and the fire alarm started ringing. Naturally we thought the boys had called ahead and requested an alarm. Jen, being the most sensible, calm one said, “I don’t think they are serious” so while everyone is calmly exiting the mall we continue to search for the elusive deal. God bless you Jennifer, you were right. But for future reference I would follow you into the inferno for a deal on Free People. So some light shopping and back to the house for a cocktail and to our reservation for supper. Great meal. Great house. Great city. We were very sad we could not stay longer. For anyone staying in Portland I have a wonderful house to recommend. Private message me and I will give you the details.

Left Portland and headed to Mount St. Helens, But first the freeway. Holy fuck. Terrifying. Our one golden rule about the road trip is NO INTERSTATES. Now I remember why. There is no rhyme or reason to this gauntlet. I hate it. The left lane does not mean faster, it means “Screw the guy two lanes over”. Ryan and I started to fall behind the Williams and the Walisser’s. We had to finally resort to Starsky and Hutch driving methods to catch them. But catch them we did and then to Mount St. Helens or Lucifer’s Mountain as I have renamed it. Most children are scared of monsters in their closet or under their beds, not me. As a child I remember being scared of two things:

        1. Recession 

        2. Mount St. Helens erupting 

Now we will explore number one in a later blog but, honestly, Mt St Helen terrified me. I was in grade four when it erupted and honestly it imprinted on my being, the power of Mother Nature. The bitch has some serious issues. Actually visiting the site 36 years later did nothing to elevate the terror. It is so scary what happened and the fact that it will happen again is humbling. I was happy to say goodbye to Mount Scary and off to Grand Coulee for the night. Grand Coulee was meant to be a pit stop, a little dot on the map, but it ended up being such a treat. We had a short 7 hour drive that day...that ended up being a 9 hour drive because of our lunch. We stopped at a small town (I cannot remember the name right now) and had lunch ....that was terrible service....we all were all served 20 minutes apart. So it lengthened the day considerably. Then to Grand Coulee, arrived at the hotel and while checking on the lady asked us if we were going to see the laser show. We looked at her like she was speaking Latin and she explained how to get there and she would check us in after the show. 10 minutes later we were sitting watching the coolest laser show on the side of the dam. We made it back to the hotel, moved bags in and then met in the courtyard for cocktails. It was 10:30-ish and still very warm. Jen and I agreed that this is what it would be like to live in Melrose Place - without the pool. All of the hotel rooms opened to a small courtyard. Great little town. Next day things get real. We have to cross the border. 👮🏼‍♀️ I hate this part of the trip...

Off we go destination 🇨🇦.... 

Great drive through Washington. Now if you follow any of my blogs you know Oregon is my favourite state. Hands down. Oregon you rock my world. But Washington, you are a hidden gem. Beautiful. Understated. Friendly. A solid contender for Fav State #2. Crossed the border at Grand Forks and had a good border crossing. This does not happen often and is not expected, so when it does happen it is like finding a four leaf clover or wishing on a falling star ......magical. 

Went to Castlegar for lunch. We had a great waitress and enjoyed another great Fall day. Ate at the Black Rooster. Or the Black Cock as the boys called it. There was road construction through the town so we detoured by Robison where Ryan’s mom and dad live. Been there a few times so we knew the short cuts! North to our next sleep over ...Halcyon Hot Springs. 

I am going to shorten our story.. Halcyon was great but that is not the story for this stop. We had supper (and of course a couple....4 ....bottles of wine) and they boys left us and we stayed and visited with a couple ladies. This women said she liked my sunflower tattoo and I said thank you but it is the one on my foot I am most proud of (my foot hurt like a mother fucker and I would rather go through child birth than suffer that kind of pain again) she said my foot tattoo probably didn’t hurt as much as hers. I looked at her ankle and her tattoo was the size of a dime....but that wasn’t what was memorable....the size of her ankle .....that was memorable. It was prob 22 inches around!! She explained that she was shot by at 30-30 in her ankle and stayed like that for two days before she could be flown out of the forestry camp she was in.  L.A. the story goes on from there and I will share it if you ever ask me but typing it is such a long story that I just can’t. 

Also memorable at Halycon is Kim. Her and the boys went to the restaurant to get ice in their drinks before they went in the hot tub - the waitress questioned the contents of their cups (of course no alcohol in the tub) so Kim, creating a diversion, threw her drink on the waitress. Okay that is not exactly how it went down, but pretty close.

Next day Golden. Brian and Kim headed straight home and opted out of Golden. Ryan, Darren, Cam, Tyler, Hailey, Trevor, Jordy, Jen and I went down the Revelstoke rail. Too much fixing and he Golden  for the night and then home.

Another Road Trip for the books. 5600 Kms,  5 states and 1 stop by the troopers and we can put this trip to bed. Lots to tell since then!