September 27

Dear Momsie,

I have to begin with an apology, I am not only the writer but I am also the editor as well as the publisher, the marketer and dabble in promotions. Recently I have taken on the role as a Business Development, so, SOMETIMES, details slip through, as well as grammatical errors, spelling mistakes and throw into the mix that this is a whirlwind tour, then you can understand that I found an error in yesterday’s blog. Urqhart Castle has NOT been rebuilt. That is Eilean Donan Castle. Anyway….

Back to The Loch Ness Inn - we wake up and have to pack 250 pounds of luggage DOWN the stairs. Pack then repack the car - all in the pouring rain. Off we go again! On our way to Isle of Skye. We drove through the most unbelievably beautiful valley - waterfalls. Waterfalls everywhere. Spectacular. 

Stopped at Eilean Donan Castle. This is the castle that was rebuilt in the early 1900’s. The castles all have huge fireplaces and we questioned how much heat they putout. Eilean Donan had a fireplace going and it was toasty. I could sit there with a glass of wine and a good book. But I would be yelling at all the tourists to bugger off. This castle is still privately owned, so my next marriage will be to a Macrae (Barb Schooler, I might need an in!). 

Over the the Isle of Skye. Get ready Jen - this is going to be rough. We are going to do as much of the island as possible. The isle is only 80 miles by 40 miles but 1 mile here takes 20 minutes. You are on a one lane trail, with regular passing places (if you meet a vehicle it is a quick game of rock, paper, scissors to see who is pulling over so the other vehicle can pass), watch for sheep that are everywhere (we have decided they are not as in predictable as the deer are at home), potholes that will swallow a car (God bless our front left tire - it is taking a shit kicking) and all the while trying not to spill our beer in the backseat while I distract Jen from another anxiety attack. 

Arrived at our Airbnb, finally. It was a long day. The Airbnb was pretty basic and only 1 bathroom so we play rock, paper, scissors to determine poop schedules. Quickly decided to cancel our supper reservations - sick of being in the car! Played cards for a couple hours and then called it a night. 

September 26

Another stay over - it’s going by so fast! We had to stop for petrol and we followed a little blue van into the station. He took the pump on our side so Ryan had to whip around and back up to the nozzle so we could fill. A wee old man got out of the van and came up to Ryan and Fuzz and said, “I’m sorry, I believe I pinched your pump” Jen and I had a little giggle. Very friendly.

On to Culloden and it was pissing down rain, then it wasn’t, then it was a light rain, then it was pissing down rain. Walked through the museum and it is very sobering. Very sad chapter in Scottish history. This time when we toured they had people talking about the weapons and how the Scots attacked. Very interesting. 

Stopped in Inverness for soup and a pint but the pub was our least favourite so far. Needless to say we only had a pint there and moved on. We had to go to The Clansman on Loch Ness for a beer (it was a non-negotiable instruction from my mom). When I typed in “The Clansman” for directions Wikipedia came back with - “a romantic novel an out the Klu Klux Klan”….. I had to reread it. 🤨 Not sure about that one but I think I’ll give the book a miss. Pulled in to park and the Parking Warden came over to chastise Ryan about his parking. He had to move over 4 inches then back 2 inches, all the while this man is standing behind the vehicle while muttering under his breath, he did not find us as entertaining as we find us. Had a glass of wine and a bowl of soup while looking out over Loch Ness but no sightings of Nessie. 

Down the road a little further to Urqhart Castle. No problem with our park job there. Walk through the castle that was rebuild in the early 1900’s - to the tune of £20 million pounds. Did not dampen Darren’s dreams of building a castle. We left the castle and did some light shopping at the gift shop, of course we were highly encouraged to shop by the boys. They love it when we shop. Especially when it is for souvenirs. 

Fuzz was driving and, being slight hard of hearing and extremely bad at listening, he missed the old church and graveyard we asked him to stop at. We have new instructions- yell louder and sooner. So now it’s like Jen and I have Tourette’s- just yelling out random things. The boys love it! Souvenir shopping and back seat yelling. Who knew?! 

Back into Drumnadrochit to our hotel. A quaint little Inn where we had to pack 250 pounds of luggage upstairs. The good news is we only had to go back down the stairs for supper. We went down to have our pre-supper martini only to be told they don’t make cocktails and then they made cocktails for the boys. So no martini. Each couple ordered a Roasted Half Chicken to share. The portions were huge! Supper got a 10, cocktails got a 3. Played cards for 10 minutes and called it a night.

September 25

Dear Momsie,

Terrible beds. Jennifer’s pillows were big and cushy and our pillows were flat and awful. We had no coffee but we had instant coffee and it was bearable. But just. But it was such a cute little Croft that you couldn’t complain. Jen woke up and Ryan was already up - he started the fire, started laundry, had a poop and was in the shower by then. But laundry - no idea how to run these machines. It is, theoretically, like the machines in our motorhomes but these machines have 18 settings. I wish I was kidding but that is the Gods honest truth, 18 mother fucking settings. How knows how to run these?! You need a Masters Degree in Laundry Machining Engineering. Needless to say we don’t and - Every. Fucking. Load. Was. Wet. Luckily, this little home had fireplaces and used those to dry clothes…..circa 1723…

No breakfast (breakfast before a scotch distillery tour is for losers!) and on our way. Fuzz was behind the wheel this day. And away we go to Glenfiddich. Showed up. Beautiful. Amazing. Can’t wait to tour this piece of heaven…..DENIED ENTRY! Who knew that reservations were necessary?! Fuck the Popo! We bought a bottle and drank in the parking lot! Just kidding, we called 3 different distilleries before we found one that would accept 4 desperate Canuks! Just kidding- 1 desperate (Ryan), 1 enthusiastic (Jen), 1 pressured (me) and 1 indifferent (Fuzz). And as a luck would have it Cardhu Distilleries accepted the challenge. But first lunch at Craigellachie, Aberlour. So good and we met the tallest Scot I have ever seen - 6’ 7”! Food was good - Ryan had Roast beef dinner with Yorkshire pudding, Jen had Tomato Basil soup, Fuzz had Fish and chips and I had a Salmon sandwich, but, most importantly, we had 4 pints. 

On to the distillery - again Fuzz, our fairly virgin driver was following directions from 3 navigators and did amazingly well! Arrived at Cardhu - I was almost killed by flying appples, but my amazing ninja skills saved my life, and met up with our tour group. 2 gay (sorry, blog break - just dropped my iPad so Jen could top up my wine glass with beer because I’m done with wine, whole Jen is talking about buying the same kind of couch we are sitting on - just so the audience knows the struggles I deal with while blogging!) back to the story 2 gay Bostonians, 1 Floridian (who tried to be Fuzz’s best friend) and 7 East Indians. Jen and I were so worried about Ryan conversing about with the East Indians that we couldn’t really enjoy the tour. At the end we get 6 drams of scotch in a beautiful tasting room. Ryan and Fuzz (on their honeymoon) sat across from Jen and I so we had control no over their behaviour. When Jen and I sat down on those incredibly slippery stools we both looked at one another and suffered from immediate PTSD. We looked behind us to see what we would knock over if we went down - it distracted us from enjoying our whisky. But as much as we were clenching our asses to those seats our entire focus was on Ryan. All the East Indians were chatting to one another and Ryan’s lips were moving constantly - the conversation the voices in his head were having that were trying to come out - and every fucking one of them with an East Indian accent! In the meantime, Jen and I are trying to be cool, sipping whisky “ out the bottle, not thinking’ ‘bout tomorrow” 🎶 - seriously - sipping whisky out of crystal glasses and they encourage you to sip water (not unlike Jen does for me on a daily basis) and we tip the water glasses up, and keep tipping, and keep tipping and then realize the water glasses are empty. And the East Indians are all laughing at us. And there we are - asses clenched, holding on to those seats, gagging whisky down, trying to be the fucking rock stars we are. So whisky tasting went well! 

Back to the house, martini by the fire then to Tomintoul for supper. Great dinner, but I was so excited about the Highland Cow display they had 4 years ago, and low and behold, THE FUCKER WAS GONE! Nope, the lady said they sold it for £120! Fuck me! I would have paid £200 for it (don’t tell Ryan). Meanwhile Ryan was so excited about the huge bottle of Tomintoul Whisky they had on display, and low and behold the fucker was SOLD, for £16,000?! The bottle was on the Guinness Book and it was gone - but we would buy the cow before we ever spent the money on that Scotch!

Back home and played cards. Then to bed.

September 24

Dear Momsie, 

Oh-oh. Jen and I woke up with a hangover. And today is a big day. Firstly, we have to pack up and move out. Secondly, we need to have a fairly significant drive and third, we are so sad to be leaving Stonehaven. We had to be out of our amazing apartment at 11:00 am. We were out at10:59:59. Stumbled down the stairs with our 250 lbs of luggage and crammed ourselves into our Scottish station wagon and headed out. We took a slight detour to Craigievar Castle and while we were waiting for our tour to begin Jen bought a carbonated water and I had a cup of tea. We needed to settle our bellies and recalibrate. I have to do a quick side note, if you’ve ever ridden in a vehicle with Jen you know she is very anxious in a vehicle. She must have died in a horrible car crash in a previous life because she is always expecting impending doom. If it’s windy she is worried, if it’s icy she is grabbing onto door handles, God help you if you are with her on the Trunk Road and you meet another vehicle!! Well, Scotland has been rough on her! We average 50/50 - 50% of our roads are 2 lane and 50% are 1 lane with “Passing places”. Needless to say she inhales suddenly and says “Jesus Fuck” alot! 

Okay back to Craigievar - great tour led by Dave, who was very entertaining. Had to hear the mandatory ghost story - back in the day there was a Forbes girl whose father was the Laird of Craigievar Castle. She had a boyfriend and she finally confessed that he was a Gordon (Michael Rodriguez, pay attention - you know this isn’t ending well) so her father was furious (Forbes and Gordon’s were sworn enemies) so he waiting upstairs for the aforementioned Gordon to arrive. When he boy did arrive he was told, in no uncertain terms to piss off. The boy, coming from a richer, more affluent family said, no YOU piss off. The angry father pulled his sword and pushed the boy to the window, all the while with the sword tip pressed against his throat. At the window he was given an option - be run through or jump. The window was about 50 feet up from the ground. The boy jumped….and died. There was an attempt to avenge his death but those Gordon’s also died. There are sounds of steps and voices but the young lovers never again meet. I looked out the window….I’d rather be stabbed. 

Anyway back on the road. Not going to tell a lie, I may have contributed to our navigational “detours” but our GPS in the car was not very helpful either. We also stopped at Kildrummy Castle, only a ruin, but still very impressive. Walked around there for a good half hour and then back into the car. Stopped in Strathdon to look through the cemetery. Oldest headstone we could find was 1813. The AGAIN on our way to Glenlivet. Glenlivet to Stonehaven is only 66.4 miles but 1 mile here takes a solid 20 minutes. Arrived at our little croft in the country, unpacked, poured a drink and cancelled our dinner reservations! We ordered takeaway and convinced the boys to go get it. Played cards and shut it down at about 11:00. 

September 23.2

Dear Momsie, 

September 23 requires 23.2 because I forgot a story. While we were on our unescorted tour through Fraser Castle, we were in the chapel. The chapel was maybe, at best, 10x10, AT BEST. The chapel where hundreds of people have worshipped for hundreds of years. A haven, an area where you confess you sins, a sanctuary- I walked through they absolutely worst stench known to man or womankind. We were shuffling around one another in this small room. I had just squeezed by Fuzz and I smelt something that was sulphurous and offensive. I turned to Fuzz and said, “Fuzz! You are disgusting!” And I quickly exited the room searching for fresh air. Fuzz giggled and on we moved on. 

The next day Darren and Jen were giggling and Jen confessed!! We all laughed and then the vehicle went silent and Fuzz said, “I thought it was me.”

September 23

Dear Momsie,

I am so sorry I haven’t written in a couple days but it is a full time job being a Holiday Event Planner, especially when you always show up to work hungover from the previous event! I am exhausted and it is only Day 4 of our 24 Day Holiday-Palooza!

We woke up at a respectable 9:00 am and had a light breakfast - toast and Mimosas and then went for a walk to the harbour. I had to show them the harbour in a)daylight and b)when we weren’t doing a alcohol fuelled pub crawl. Then back to the apartment to get ready to visit Drum Castle. On our way to Drum there was a little heart pounding incident where there was screeching of brakes and violent horn honking to avoid an accident but, no worries, all was well and Jen did not poop her pants. Drum Castle is undergoing some repairs to the tower so the visual impact was somewhat lessened. However we signed up for the tour and did a quick stroll around the grounds - saw the chapel, the cemetery where 10 generations of Alexander Irving’s were buried and the PET CEMETERY! All the animals had their own headstones, even the 145 year old turtle! The tour was very overcrowded and not nearly as enjoyable as Fyvie. 

We left the castle, now searching for a pub. Did not need to search long (quick side note: castles and pubs are fairly easy to find) and we found Garlogie Inn. We knew we picked right when we went in and it was packed. We had to sit outside, which initially was a wonderful idea but the looming black clouds that were rolling in indicated a possible change in seating was going to be required. Again, the Gods were on our side and they found us a table inside, we ordered our meal and the skies opened. The first real rain we have had on a island renown for its rain, so doing well. Had an amazing lunch and we were visited by the resident dog, Eddie, who brought his ball to Ryan. The dogs in this country are so well behaved. I think I might ship my puppies here for a lesson. 

Fuzz took a turn at driving. He did very good. He was reminded regularly, “Left, left”. Anyway off to Fraser Castle. No guided tour there. We toured on our own. They do have guides throughout the rooms to answer questions. We were chatting with one lady and Jen asked if she has ever seen any ghosts. She said she was in the same room we were talking to her in and she said she heard 2 other guides on the stairs that were talking to one another. When she went back downstairs later the ladies were there and said they had never been in the stairs. We walked to the top of the castle tower, 120 ft, and looked out around the countryside. We also decided that the circular stone staircases are not safe and would definitely be outlawed in Canada. 

Drove to Portlethen and bought some wine and flowers to Nics’ house to have a visit. A visit that quickly turned into a party. Darren and Jen got to meet more of my Scottish family. Tony, Niro, Noah, Julie, Ian, Ivy and Indie. Nicola had the most amazing charcuterie board that would have fed 85 people. Puts all charcuterie boards I have ever made to shame. The boys headed home without us girls. When we poured ourselves into the taxi to come home and I had the nicest visit with the cabbie. We were greeted at the door by Darren (he “claims” I bit him but there was no evidence the next day so I think he is a liar) and that was it! Day 2 in the books. 

Still September 22

Dear Momsie,

I cried today. 16 times. Once because Ryan was scaring me driving. Once because I didn’t have beer. 14 times because Roy hugged me. Roy is my dad’s best friend and I love him (dad and Roy) and it was such a moment for me. When I paid the bill even the waitress asked if I was okay. And I said no. No, I don’t cry. I don’t have those emotions. Only with Roy. Fuck me, he makes me cry. And then cried when Jen broke a bottle of wine. She said she didn’t break it, it “fell” out of the fridge. But that fucker shattered. 22 minute mop/vacuum job and it was cleaned. 

We did visit a castle today. The boys dropped us off at the door and went to park (there was a 86 minute detour while I was giving directions and I swear to God, i wish I could give a google map view of our route because it was spastic) but we got there. When we got there this lovely lady (like a REAL lady, like you would never say fuck in front of her. Like, she suggested that we go to the Tea Room and Jen and I smiled and said, “That sounds lovely”). Anyway when Jen and I were dropped off, the lady said we missed the tour and we could catch the 3:15 tour I looked at her and was about to say, “ I’m sorry, that’s far too late for us” but Jen said, “That’s only 20 minutes, we will do it”. My jaw dropped. I thought it was, at best, 1:00. At. Best. At. Fucking. Best. Holy shit, I went through a time warp. I had a serious conversation with my travel mates to say - Get. Your. Shit. Together. We cannot waste any mornings away (Fuzz didn’t get up until 11:00). Our time is scheduled to the minute. To. The. Fucking. Minute. I already had a talk about tomorrow. Stay tuned to tomorrow’s schedule and be prepared to be amazed. Anyway, castle. Fyvie Castle. It got a 10/10 from Fuzz. He loved it. He was excited that he could walk through every door without ducking. But this castle has a dark history. This fucker (Catholic) couldn’t divorce his wife, who gave him 5 beautiful daughters but no son. So he “fell in love” with his wife’s niece. So he locked her in a turret and starved her to death. (Fuzz said he locked her up because she cried to much). That Catholic fucker couldn’t divorce her so he starved her to death in the same house as her daughters. I want to have séance and talk to him, fucker. 

We also chatted and, as we are 7 hours ahead of Rocky, we can see the future. So if anyone wants to know the 7 49 numbers, for a percentage, we will tell you the numbers. 

Anyway,  Momsie, stayed tuned. 2 castles tomorrow.

September 22…10:00 in Scotland…

Dear Momsie,

So last post I forgot to mention a few things. Firstly, Jen. She is a little high maintenance. We were having lunch before our flight from Calgary and we were worried about her and her bowel movements. More importantly, her lack of control over her bowel movements. Basically we were worried about her having a, “Whoopsie poopsie”. I did mention Depends. But to be honest, I wasn’t sitting beside her on the plane so it really was more of a Jen problem than a Stacy problem. But good news! Entire flight and no 💩! Actually, all day and no 💩! She’s almost ready to take in public. 

We also found the hash tag for our lives…#teamnokids. But before our children get upset, we love you but we are living our best life! 

I am currently acting as camp leader (NOT camp counsellor!) and with the incredible amount of responsibility I am shouldering I have a binder. Well, The Binder. 

It is very important that I know where the binder is at all times. If we lose the binder then we are screwed. I do have some control over the crew when I have the binder. I am also the financial director. I am carrying the kitty. It is an unbelievably easy job. I have discovered that when you hold the money that they follow you. It worked very well last night when Jen and I went on a pub crawl. More about the pub crawl later. 

Our vehicle rental. I am so sad we didn’t take pictures of this catastrophe. I rented a “mid-size” SUV. We were given a Hyundai Tucson. When the back hatch was opened we all stood in silence, mentally doing the mathematical calculation that was required to fit our four 50lbs suitcases, our two carry ons, 2 large backpacks and The Binder. This is the moment when you know we need a camera crew following us. The boys, God bless them, tried, tried and retried. Jen and I were emotional support in the background. I would like to think our input was perceived as constructional, but in all honesty, it could have been “nagging” or “bitching” as the boys defined it. Anyway, with some quick negotiations we are reassigned with a station wagon. We’re are pretty much 2022 version of National Lampoons European Vacation. Ryan is Clark, Jen is Ellen, Fuzz is Russ and I am Audrey. I know I did mention this in my last blog but I didn’t give it the credence it deserved. 

More about the pub crawl. We walked down to the pub last night, beautiful night - warm with a light breeze. When we walked in and it was quite busy. There was a table beside another couple but the tables were close, like so close we were pretty much eating with them. Naturally, we introduced ourselves and then apologized. They live in Netherly but they lived for 4 years in Calgary. Helen and Keith are our new best friends. I have their phone number. His first question was, “ Are you red necks?” I don’t think I’ve ever been asked that. We all turned and looked at Ryan and answered collectively, “ Yep”. The supper was delicious. I had the creamiest garlicky risotto and cod. We started with mussels for an appie. I think once Keith saw us eating the mussels his question about us being rednecks would have been redundant. We ate the shit out of those mussels. It is all we are talking about this morning. Like I said the boys left us. We went to the pub next door and made friends with George. Kind of friends. He was a bit of a dick. Also, there was a football game on the telly. Ukraine versus Scotland. Scotland was winning (2-0) but I made the mistake of saying, “Poor Ukraine”. Did not go over well. They are very serious about their football. George said, “ You know, when you are visiting a country you should support that team”. I said, “Well Scotland and Putin are cheering.” Anyway, we didn’t last long at that bar. Relative really - “not long” was an hour. Then we headed to the next bar. This is our “Joe” bar. I’m not sure what it is actually called but it was full of older patrons. “Old” is also relative because I think we are all the same age. We were all in our teens when the Berlin Wall came down. We walked in right after the finished their quiz. We were immediately accosted and asked various quiz questions. They were recruiting for tonight’s game and wanted to know our skill level. I answered the Bay City Rollers question correctly and we are now going to the Quiz night tonight. Unfortunately I cannot remember where Quiz night is being held tonight, so, unless they send a car, we might miss it. Jen and I called it a night. We are unsure what time it was because we every watch/phone we have is on a different time zone! 

Okay - Ryan is making a full Scottish breakfast this morning- black pudding, baked beans, fried eggs, bacon and ham and then we are Castle Hunting. I promise more pictures! 

Sept 21

Dear Momsie,

What an adventure! We left Calgary (believe it or not, fairly uneventful!) and we were headed to Amsterdam. 8 hours of bliss, reading and some movie watching and maybe some light napping. We took 2 gravol and a nighttime Advil and up I swear to God, I couldn’t finish my wine. Seriously. I poured my red wine into Ryan’s glass and I dozed off (if you ask any of my travelling companions I “ passed out”) but I had a fucking uncomfortable 7 5/8 hour sleep on our 8 hour journey. Needless to say everyone else slept an average of 45 minutes (roookies) but I can tell you it is currently 12:48 am and everyone else is out cold and I am up writing to you. We arrived in Amsterdam and played 5 games of crib and had a round of small beers, a round of medium beers and around of large beers - Fuzz and I were partners and we lost. I honestly believe if we could have had round of extra large beers we might have taken the championship, but we had to board the plane to Aberdeen. We got on the plane and headed back North. Aberdeen is a second home. Once we landed, I sighed, and knew people I love and who love me are here, my happy place. Well, until we got our rental vehicle. Nope. A Hydia will not do, We Jenga-ed the shit out of that vehicle and our luggage would NOT fit in that vehicle. Back in to the retail store, some slight “negotiations” and we are paying an extra $30/day for a vehicle that is so uncool that Brad Pitt himself would not get laid in. If it wanted to be cool it would be a station wagon, but it isn’t. It is a wanna-be station wagon. But (side note….) Darian, Dekker and Michael - it is from the Skoda family so you know we will be in good hands 🤪 So we are away….to the nearest gas station to fill the front passenger tire with air as it currently is at a healthy 3 pounds. Again, away we are, but Ryan and I had 3 “Fuck you” fights before we hit the A90 route we are looking for bound for Stonehaven. We found our Airbnb and I have to say, we have stayed in 20 VRBO’s and 15 Airbnb’s and this is honestly the coolest, most eclectic Airbnb ever (and it has a bidet)! Fuzz had a 20 minute power nap and Ry, Jen and I enjoyed the moment. Now off to our first castle. Dunottar. I need a minute to address my mom. My momma. My Queen. The woman who made me love castles. And Scotland. And cemeteries. And Jacobities. And Bruce Springsteen. She is the only human being that can connect the dots to all of those things. Love you mom and you are here, every step of the way. And so is dad. Walking up the hill from Dunottar is dad, every step. 

Anyway, tour is over…quick stop at the wine store (£160) and the grocery store and back to the apartment for quick game of cards and the walk to the harbour for supper. Momsie, you know that Ryan struggles to stay awake at the best of times, but at the worst of times (28 hours with no sleep), he is head bobbing at the table. We are all trying to engage him in conversation but, for once, he has nothing to say. Head Bob, eyes rolling back, slight slobber at the side of his mouth and you know if that fucker goes down it is taking a picker and a six man crew to take him to bed. It was touch and go, pretty stressful for everyone but me. I used my old tactic- kick him under the table and tell him to, “Wake the fuck up” - it worked for 12 minutes. He ate then stood up and announced that he was leaving. Poor Fuzz was torn, wanted to back up his buddy, wanted to support Jen and I and also wanted to call it a night. God bless him he stayed with us……for 18 minutes……until we got to the next pub and he left us. I cannot be 100% sure but I think his parting words were, “Fuck you bitches, I’m going home” but cannot swear that in a court of law. It might have been, “Love you ladies, have a great night”. Really - same same, so - us lovely ladies had a great n. 2 more pubs, 4 more life long friends and we made it home. 

I know there were other stories to share, but, unfortunately, I can’t remember them, so I share end here for know.

Yours truly, with much love and affection 

Previously Known As Princess Stacy - Know Queen Stacy.

Holidays…Day -1….

Weeks of planning, hotels booked, Airbnb’s booked, vehicle rented, tours confirmed, house sitter’s arranged, dog’s farmed out, money exchanged, weight lost (just kidding - collectively, 18 pounds gained 🙄) and tomorrow is the big day! Scotland here we come. My greatest wish is to meet Trudeau in the Amsterdam Airport and he is “accidentally” strangled by the microphone cord that he used to sing Bohemian Rhapsody before the Queen’s funeral. A girl can dream….

Momsie, I have decided everyday my blog will be a letter home to you. You can travel with us, be our silent guide. Our moral compass. The wind beneath our wings. We may need advice, an alibi or a shoulder to cry on, after all, we are travelling with our husbands for 24 days, God help us. 

I have a few questions about packing; why are empty suitcases 22 pounds and you’re only allowed 50 pounds? I have packed 3 outfits and my suitcase weighs 65 pounds. Wtf?! I am kidding, I have packed, roughly 28 outfits, makeup, 3 pairs of shoes, hair product, the drone, 2 swimsuits and the magical electrical adapter, but in my defence we are going to 2 countries with fairly significant temperature differences. I think the 50 pound rule is one of the dumbest ever. If you fly Business you get 70 pounds! 70 POUNDS!?! Where is the justice?! So….I am upgrading to Business. I think it is probably what Ryan would want. I will also need a Sherpa, I can only hope that KLM offers Sherpas. But, again, focusing on the positive, we are not flying Air Canada.

Well, wish us luck and remember that we may need bail money in Sterling and/or Euros.