January 11

So, I am sure that everyone is quite worried about the status of our health concerns. Firstly, we had the Omicron so we only need to isolate/recover/lie for 5 days, less the time change of 2 hours, less the ounces of tequila we consumed for medical purposes, less the weight we have gained to fight the illness, less the hours we have slept in for additional recovery time, plus the night I threw up because I was pretty COVID-y/drunky for overall our recovery time was 16 hours. And we all made it through. But Jesus/Trudeau/West Jet said,”Fuckoff! You’re not invited back to Canada for another 7 days!” So, instead of coming home, in preferred seating, on the 12th, we have shitty seats and we are leaving on the 19th. Yep, fucking Canada is rejecting us. Fuckers don’t reject us on April 30th when it is the tax deadline. Nope, love us then! We would be invited back on the next plane. 

But, we re-booked and the started the next phase of our holiday. I’m not even sure this can be called a holiday anymore. I think this is an Odyssey. But, we had always planned to end our holiday in Holbox. Little did we know that it would be a commercial break in our, now, 24 day holiday…. I know that everyone has heard about The Island Of Misfit Toys? Well this is the Island of Skinny, 6 foot, Incredibly Beautiful, 22 year old, Mostly Lesbian, or Dating European Soccer Star Women. Fuck me! Can someone, please, discreetly, direct me to the Pretty Drunk, Slightly Chubby, Pass Out At The Beach, 50+ Island?! For the love of God, it is ridiculous! Even Darren asked, “Is there a mold for the women?!” But most of them have resting bitch face. Apparently it is painful to be 20, skinny and beautiful. 

But I digress, we arrived on the island as we arrive most places - slightly disorganized, slightly irritated and wondering why we left home (again, in this story - “home” is Darren and Jen’s house in Telchac) we literally had to search for a taxi to take us to our hotel. Then when we found the, aforementioned taxi, we had to convince him to drive us to our hotel. Our hotel that happened to be 500 feet from the dock - but still cost is $200 pesos and 45 minutes. Pretty much set the stage for the next 3 days. Expensive and not as great as D&J’s resort. But honestly, between the torrential downpours and the skinny bitches it has been wonderful. Beautiful beaches, delicious food, gracious people and fantastic friends. We have played 15 games of crib, 8 games of dice, 7 up 7 down and 4 games of Riffle so we pretty much have gained a bronze medal in Middle Age. We have been in bed by 9, complained about the “kids” partying until 1:00 a.m., talked about the midnight fights that woke us up and slept in every day. We are getting pretty good at holidays. Which is good news because we have another 68 days until we pass the physical to get us back into Canada. 

We will be starting Phase 3 of our Mexican Odyssey tomorrow. We have gotten (My English teacher at Mackie Academy would back hand me for using the word “gotten”) pretty good at ordering drinks from our waiter so when we return to Telchac I’m really hopeful that Jordyn will continue to serve us drinks in the manner I have become accustomed to. Sorry, to catch everyone up, when we went to Holbox Jordyn stayed at the house (she too was rejected by Canada). When we drove out of the yard Jord was waving goodbye and thinking, “Thank God they’re gone). 

Anyway, that was a quick update on our Holiday Within A Holiday story. I won’t even start talk about the 5 pound lobster that Ryan and I consumed tonight because I know everyone is already mad because we missed the 63 Day Polar Vortex that Alberta endured but know we too are struggling with weather. 2 rainstorms today that forced us off the beach that the European beauties were on but we all have our crosses to bear…..

Also - while we have been gone Betty White, Sidney Poitier and Bob Saget have died. Wtf - can’t you guys take care of shit while I’m gone?!