Public bathrooms are a bloody crap shoot (no pun intended). Why. The. Fuck. Are. People. Disgusting?! Who raised these people? Have they ever cleaned a bathroom? A list of questions I have….in no particular order.
1. Flushing. You are all going to learn some things about me… why would you ever make a deposit and not flush? What is the thought process behind that decision? Are you proud of your contribution? Don’t be. I flush and double flush to ensure I am leaving a bathroom in a condition that I would want to see it in.
2. Not sitting on the seat to pee. I’m not sure about your hovering abilities but mine are not strong. When I pee i sit. Why do some people find the need to to not sit (this is not a man vs woman discussion yet…that will be another point) this is strictly for the ladies out there. Covering the toilet seat in toilet paper is not the equivalent to the cleanliness of a surgical room. If a bathroom is clean then sit and enjoy the pee. Squatting on a toilet inlet seat is never acceptable. I once stood in line for an outhouse behind 8 ladies, of a non-determined nationality, and by the time I got to the bathroom it was revolving. Outhouses are always a little sketchy (I am actually going to save that for its only bullet point) but the state of that outhouse was a direct result of theses women’s peeing choices. When you go into an outhouse and there is pictographs explaining how to SIT on a toilet seat to pee I have issues.
3. Unisex bathrooms or what the fuck ever we call them now. It is the eternal question- toilet seat up or down. The answer is down. And if we are sharing a mother fucking bathroom them I do not want to see pee drips on the toilet seat. Again I think I need to call mothers and ask if this was acceptable in their house. No drips boys. Clean that up before you leave. Like an adult.
4. Outhouses. I am an Alberta girl. I’ve peed in every outhouse between the Saskatchewan border and the Pacific Ocean (obviously a slight exaggeration) and I have seen some great outhouses and some that should have just been burnt down. Same rules apply - don’t be a disgusting human being. The worst outhouse I’ve ever seen is Harlech. I went out a peed beside the outhouse because I wasn’t going to go for a tetanus shot if I used that outhouse. Darian worked for parks for a couple of years and her outhouse stories scarred me. When people are on probation or guilt of a lesser crime their punishment should be cleaning bathrooms. And picking garbage. Fuck it - I’m running for office. (TBH I just wrote “ruining” not running but whatever)
5. Peeing by the side of the road. This is actually quite relevant because Jen and I peed on a side road yesterday on our way to Calgary and got caught. When you catch a woman peeing on the side of the road please know she doesn’t give a damn that you are seeing her ass. I speak for the entire female population when I say that when we have to pee we can’t just whip it out and go. There is location issues, clothing issues (God forbid if you’re wearing coveralls), spray issues….the last thing that concerns us is someone driving around the corner. And please, if you are bush peeing shake and complete. Don’t use toilet paper it is not necessary.
6. Wash your hands. I think there should be someone in a public bathroom to monitor hand washing. If you don’t wash you get an electric shock. Like an elect shock that makes you pee a little. Get back in there and use soap and wash. Boys this applies to you. You just touched your penis - wash your mother fucking hands before touching anything.
On behalf of all mothers - thank you.
No comments:
Post a Comment