July 22

Well it’s summertime (for 5 minutes) and we need to enjoy it. 92 days...2208 hours..... and only 4 July Saturday nights! This first part of our vacation was in Fairmont. Our last Fairmont. Ever. Forever. For fucking ever. Fairmont is not Shit Show Ready. They hate us....well not all of us but for sure Tracy. They definitely hate Tracy. We cannot play music loud, we cannot party after 11:00 (but to be fair we cannot always party after 11:00 at many locations around the world) 

But It has been a great ride. 20-ish years of annual pilgrimages to our western neighbor. We have fought skunks and pack rats. We have drank (roughly) 80 gallons of wine, 70 gallons of vodka, 112 flats of beer and 2 bottles of water. 

We have had the ambulance called once (Jordyn Williams) and the 👮 once (not us but the neighbors ....I swear to God). Met very nice people from round the world and some very pretentious, awful people (and honestly, they were mostly from Alberta - but they DEFINITELY voted NDP)

We went on morning walks that are, honestly the fucking worst thing I’ve ever done in my life. Seriously, I would rather go through labor then do those fucking walks. Tracy and Jen suddenly become Olympic athletes and sprint up the side of a fucking Mountain and turn (with there amazing hair and lack of face sweat) and patronizingly encourage me, “come on Fat Stacy, it’s only a little further”. Fucking healthy, skinny fit bitches. I am gasping for air regretting my 16 chicken wings and 4 beer from the night before. But I swear to God when I make it to the top of the hill it is the most euphoric, orgasmic experience ever. I cry. I hug everyone. I thank my mom and dad, God, the Academy. I pull out my thank you speech that I prepared the night before and reminisce about my Grade 3 teacher (Mrs. Currie) - it’s that fucking amazing. But guess what?! I NEVER HAVE TO DO IT AGAIN!! 

We have had wonderful campfire sing songs and once Michael Rodriguez even brought his guitar and entertained us! We have floated down the Columbia and soaked in the White Swan Hot Springs. We have gone to the hot tub until someone pooped in the pool and caused immediate evacuation. 

We made the Darian and Dekker sleep in tents when it was substantially below freezing (we seriously didn’t give them an option but like the god parents we are we gave them touques, mittens and wool socks... and news flash ....they made it through the the night). 

Anyway, the Fairmont chapter is over for now. We a more definitely bush campers!