May12

I’ve been on a blog hangover so I’ve neglected Princess Stacy. But I have a terrible story to share. I hate winter and I love summer. Except for the mosquitoes. And the city campers. And the dog poop that the receding snow exposes. And the SPIDERS!! Fucking spiders. F.U.C.K.I.N.G. S.P.I.D.E.R.S. I love summer and I love house cleaning. Okay, “love” maybe a slight exaggeration, but I really love the high I get when my house is clean. I think if heroin addicts cleaned their crack houses they would give up drugs. It is that wonderful for me. If my house is spotless and I wake up in the middle of the night I will get up and do a walk through just to appreciate my clean house. This OCD comes from my mom. My mom that would make me iron tea towels and pillow cases. We were not allowed in the living room for 4 days after she vacuumed because we didn’t appreciate the sanctity of the vacuum lines in the carpet. It probably was borderline abuse. 

Anyway, back to this morning. I have the tunes cranked and I am happily dusting, washing machine is going and I wander in the bedroom to get another load of laundry and my Spidey senses start tingling and I look up and what to my wandering eyes spy? A spider that is right above my bed waiting for me to go to sleep so it can kill me. I am going to create a Raid  can attachment for Brian Walisser’s drone so I can just fly by those mother fuckers from another room and kill them. I am being held hostage in my own home by this eight legged terrorist. You want to talk immigration laws - this fucker hid in a bunch of bananas in Nicaragua and crossed the border under cover of darkness. And he was not coming to Canada with peaceful intentions I can assure you. I gathered every ounce of bravery in my 115 pound body (please give me that one....) and I put every attachment on my vacuum cleaner and I declared martiallaw. I vacuumed him up and then burnt my vacuum. 

I know you guys think that I am such a wimp but I would like to take this opportunity to introduce you to my friend Kyle Thompson. I love Kyle. He is 6 foot 4, probably 240 and he is a red headed Indian. He is tough and I’ve seen him mad once and I don’t ever want to see it again. He is wonderful. If I ever divorce Ryan and he divorces Shannon then we are totally getting married. Kyle, I think if we ever divorce our spouses it will because THEY are going to marry each other. Anyway, that fucker makes me look like Chuck Norris around spiders. Kyle, you truly are a pussy. But I appreciate that you make me look sane when there is spider within a 10 foot radius of us. If we do get married we will need a Filipino nanny or adopt a Nicaraguan child to take care of spiders. Or move to Greenland. Both viable options. 

I am attaching a drawing rendition of the spider. I am also attaching a picture of the Caesar that Jen and Trena made me for therapy. Thanks girls.