Oh my God, I try. I swear to God I try, but I wish I could
have stick and hit people who drive me bat shit crazy!!! In lieu of my beating
stick, and because I consider this blog some form of venting, I have to share my thoughts
on 2018 so far. I think I am making my New
Year’s resolutions in mid-February for
the Chinese New Year. Here goes:
1.
I am not a good person. It’s all I can do not to
have a Tourette Syndrome outburst and lose my mind. I am always two steps away
from a Brittney Spears meltdown – shave my head and start smashing cars with an umbrella. I
interact with people and walk away and roll my eyes. If Eye Rolling was an
Olympic sport I would take Gold, Silver and Bronze. If eye rolling burned
calories I would be 85 pounds. My Chinese New Year’s resolution is to NOT shave
my head…baby steps…
2.
This should be number 1. People who live in the
city, sit on their asses 40 hours a week on the 7th floor of some
office building in downtown Edmonton, breathing recycled air, listening to
their shitty new age music, going to yoga at night, tofu eating mother fuckers
that try to tell me that my side by side is destroying the earth. Shut. The.
Fuck. Up. Please. Take you opinion in the Edmonton Journal about the torque of
my OHV and the song bird bullshit and shove it up your ass. I live here. I
listen to the birds. I am a responsible OHV user. And you know what?! I clean
up the garbage you leave behind after you come to MY BACKYARD on the long
weekend . My Chinese New Year’s resolution – to fight this Y2Y bullshit worth
every fibre of my being.
3.
The NDP commercials on the radio. When Rachel
tries to defend Albertans over the Robin Hood hating Jason Kenny. Rachel, do not
every include me in your little RA RA speech. I am going to take out my own
radio ad – “If you earn it, it’s yours. Not some lazy bastard on welfare.” I
heard that the UPC approval rating in Alberta is 57% and NDP is 23%. Good. This
time next year Rachel can pack her bags, call her horrible cousin Kathleen
Wynne and rent a basement suite with her. They can knit blankets for the underprivileged.
My Chinese New Year’s resolution – stop counting the days until the NDP is a sad
footnote in Alberta’s history and start counting the hours.
4.
Changing the lyrics of Oh Canada. Oh Canada,
what are you doing? Really? Are transgender people losing sleep over the lyrics
to our national anthem? Do they take this as a personal affront? Little history
on our national anthem. The original lyrics were, “True patriot love thou doust
in us command” but was changed before the First World War to encourage young
men to sign up to fight. I just think with everything Canadians are facing –
immigration, NAFTA concerns, lumber tariffs, TSX poor performance, carbon taxes, the money we spend on Justin’s
hair products – that we need to spend ANY time on song lyrics is a little embarrassing.
Seriously Canada – man up (sorry, I was being gender specific with that comment).
Get your shit together and deal with real issues. Our drama teacher leader
should not worry about what other teachers are saying about him in the lunch
room and do his god damn job! My Chinese New Year’s resolution – sing loud and
proud – “In all our SONS command”.
I
apologize for my Brittney outburst, but seriously, please tell me you are with
me. Please, tell me that there are other sane Albertans that constantly shake
their heads and wonder what we are doing? Who is driving the ship?
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