July 3

So I'm not sure if everyone knows about my circle, but my circle is small and tight. It is very tight and I love, love, love those around me. So I do have some criteria:

1. Must be able to pee on the potty

2. Have to be able to drive me home from a party 

3. Cannot. I repeat. CANNOT. EVER. EVER. EVER. Make me or Jen a martini with gin. This is a non-negotiable.

4. Have to be called a Thunder-Cunt or a Fiery Cunt at some point in the last 12 hours.

5. Must be able to console/counsel/condemn people at 3:00 a.m.

6. Be able to talk shit about ANYONE (including me) at any given time....and if someone walks in mid-conversation to must be able to quickly adapt a conversation.

7. Put up with me crying about my dad

8. Know that my dad was the most fucking awesome person you could ever know.

9. Be able to eat supper at 8:00 p.m., 9:00 p.m. , 10:00 p.m., 11:00 p.m., 5:00 a.m, 6:00 a.m. ..........

10. Be able to wipe my 3 day old mascara away and make look like Cindy Crawford. Cindy Crawford after a car accident....in Tijuana....after a 3 day drinking binge with Johnny Depp....and questionable plastic surgery....

11. Help me return my husband's side by side after I put it on it's side

12. Replace my dog you killed (Tracy, I don't think I need to say more)

13. Listen to my advice about marriage/child rearing/NDP at anytime, and agree that all my opinions are correct

14. Not have any heart problems.

15. Not have any heart problems.

16. Not have any heart problems.

17. Not have any heart problems.....

I will donate my kidney, liver, arm, leg or anything else, but I cannot donate my heart. You already have it. 

Please, please never scare me like this. You are my sister with a penis. I love you with a 1,000 fiery suns. I'm not sure how to soft sell this but I think that my friend Brian finally got his period and he has finally become a woman. Brian, my friend, my sister, my guy, please use tampons. You will live. You have to try to attain Tier One!! ❤️❤️❤️