September 20

So….that fucker made it back in. You know I was almost starting to hope….

But anyway, we are spending a lovely holiday in Victoria. My very wonderful friend Dean McLeod turned 50 and Darian came over to help me celebrate with him. I am so pissed - I took no pictures! Fuck. You know what I did do? Shots! And also Dean, I peed in your driveway while I was waiting for the cab. I’m all class.

But in my hotel room I’m currently sharing with Darian, I have no book to read. But…you know what reading suggestion the hotel gave me? Yep, the bible, the one and only. Now quick side note… Joan - stop reading this blog! 😉

So, please don’t ruin the end of the book - no spoilers, but I’ll tell you what I’ve learned…

1. There is three ethnicities- Jews, Greeks and slaves. Pick wisely my friends…
2. There is only two genders - men and angels (but before you pick apparently the dudes are angels as well)
3. Darian asked me, “who was the guy that changed religion? He was German.” I said, “Hilter.” No. Martin Luther (who, btw, was my second guess). Luther said - “let the wife make the husband glad to come home, and let him make her sorry to see him leave” - this confuses me? Is she happy to see him come home because he brought pizza? Is she sad to see him leave because he didn’t empty the dishwasher? The author of this book is not very focused.
4. “Wine is a mocker, a strong drink that turns the wisest man into a brawler, and whoever is intoxicated by it is not wise” - firstly, I like that they acknowledge men are worse at holding their alcohol. Second, only when you are drunk do you say what you really want to say. You are pretty wise when you’re drunk - not articulate but wise.
5. “And the Lord said to Moses, “Behold I will rain bread from heaven for you”” - so for sure God endorses carbs. I fucking called that!
6. Wait, wait - we have a rodeo, “saddle the donkey for me. They saddled the donkey for him and he rode away on it”  it then THEY ATE BREAD TOGETHER! Again with the carbs! 
7. But wait! It gets worse for the donkey guy! A fucking lion met him on the way and killed him?! What? Is this a Tarantino movie? The timeline is all over the place! And the sentence structure is ridiculous.
8. There is a first book of chronicles so I’m kind of excited - I think we are going to go to Narnia right away.

So, the book isn’t that exciting so I skipped to the end to see what happens. I can’t tell a lie. It was slightly sexual and it made me uncomfortable. But I think I need to have full disclosure - we are staying at the Marriott which, apparently is an Evangelical hotel. I’m not sure about the Delta - Buddhism? The Fairmont - catholic? Fuck, now I have to look for a good deal AND what hotel is going to save my soul! But I think might be my first Christian blog. I think I’m pretty good at it. Eat bread and kill the donkey guy!