This story was so crazy and I wanted so badly to believe this one. I can picture it - Vladimir, Yevgeny Zinichev (Minister of Emergency Situations) and Sergey Shoygu (Minister of Defence) sitting in the Kremlin enjoying a snifter of brandy while discussing the protection of all Russians and complete denial that the COVID19 virus would ever have the audacity to cross into Russian territory.
They would all have a chuckle when they discussed the suave, confident way that Donald Trump would assure the American people that a two week self quarantine would suffice. Then they would all have a quiet, introspective moment when the slightest doubt may weave its way into their minds.
Yevgeny leans forward and hesitantly addresses Putin, “Mr. Putin, in the off chance that someone, inadvertently, brings this virus into Mother Russia we should have a back up plan....”. Putin gives a slight grin, takes another sip of brandy, sets his glass down and turns to address his Ministers, “I have long planned for an emergency like this. We shall release 500 lions and tigers into the streets of every major Russia city. This will guarantee no one leaves their homes and spreads this virus” He smiles triumphantly.
Yevgeny and Sergey risk a tentative glance at one another and Sergey softly asks, “But Vladimir, where will we get 500 lions and tigers.....” Vladimir victoriously grins... “a few years ago I infiltrated America and made sweet love to an Oklahoman man with a mullet. I agreed to dispose of a crazy woman’s husband and supply him with an endless supply of methamphetamine as long as he could provide me with limitless predatory cats. We have lions, tigers, bears, spider monkeys, a one armed woman and a double amputee at our immediate disposal.....”
Ties up all those loose ends doesn’t it?
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