(Temporary Backup) Merry Christmas Eve!

Well, after much discussion, planning and some passive aggressive arguing, we made it to our 1st Annual Christmas Vacation. Ryan and I decided earlier this year that if there are no grandchildren in our immediate (or long term apparently) futures then we are planning trips over the holidays and the kids can come with or they can make their own plans. Funny, when you book a house in Mexico OUR Christmas plans quickly become THEIR Christmas plans! 

So we have counted down the days, shopped, packed and coordinated schedules and quickly the day arrived. The entire airport rigamarole process was amazingly trouble free, which is unusual for me. Guaranteed I am the one that gets pulled aside and searched. I think it is racial profiling - chubby, middle aged white girl - most dangerous predator on Earth. Highly underrated. Well, some weight loss and I slipped right under the radar. Now they thought, “Skinny and stunningly beautiful (minus the bags under her eyes, grey hair, 1fucking annoying chin hair, slight limp (bad knee - I’ll cover that in a minute) this specimen of perfection could never smuggle a raccoon into Mexico”. Also, I was with Dekker and I was sure if security had a choice between me and Dekker they would take him. We also had to run the gauntlet of drug dogs and I would lie if I didn’t consider they would find something…..Darian…… But successful! Also, air travel with Darian is akin to tip toeing through a field of land mines - could be pain free or could be catastrophic, it all depends on her mixture of alcohol and Adavan, a balance she is perfecting. Also, booking a seat far away from her in case she has a mid-flight meltdown. Sorry Mike, she’s your problem now. But she nailed it, got on the plane, popped 2 pills, put her headphones on, eye mask on and promptly passed out. Mike said she woke up enough to eat half a sandwich and passed out again. Winning! Ryan and I did sit down directly behind the stinkiest man on the plane - a heady mixture of sweat, rotting meat, grease and a je ne sais quoi that we could not identify. Headphones fix the cry of children but there is no quick cure for a 5 hour assault to our olfactory organ. Anyway, back to our successful travel day. Landed in Mexico and had to wait an hour for our luggage. I have an incredible fear of lost luggage. It is the reason I am applying for a Handicap sticker for my vehicle. I am not sure if it is a recognized phobia but I am christening it Lostpackagephobia. It also applies to my Amazon packages. Anyway, got it, thank God because I have 16 new outfits in there. 

We then headed for our ride, I surprised everyone with a limo. But, full disclosure, it was the only company in Cancun that would do a grocery pit stop for us, so it wasn’t really a treat, it was a necessity. But the look on everyone’s faces was totally worth it. Ryan was concerned that our ride would not have enough room for the 6 of us, our luggage and groceries. I reassured him we would be fine. Well a 14 person limo, our luggage and $8,500 worth of groceries and we filled that bad boy right up. I love Mexican grocery stores - you want to buy a motorcycle? A washing machine? Limes? Local grocery store has it all. This sucker was 14 meters long, and Jorge backed it up about 1.5kms to our condo. He also did a 12 point turn on the returno that caused a little stress but we are here! 

Now I have to quickly talk about my knee. I have never had knee problems but suddenly my left knee has made a conscious decision to ache like a mofo. I wasn’t limping so much as I was dragging it behind me. Micheal had the audacity to suggest I might be suffering from gout. Gout! Michael! I would never! I have popped a couple Advil and magically it disappeared….for 22 minutes and was back with a vengeance. Quick update: I cured gout, pain free today. 

Anyway, signing off for the day - cenote tour today. Pray for my knees, the power of my tweezers against the chin hair superpowers and my ability to manage my family.